Five years ago I couldn't walk

I've arrived in Winterberg, Germany.  Home of the bobsled track.  Sometimes I need to take a deep breath, and tell myself that this is real life.  Somehow I ended up here, and it's much better than crocheting a boot sock.  So here I am running up the side of a mountain with two professional runners the day before I go to my first bobsled race.  This is by far the most beautiful place I have ever run.  I never thought I could become a runner, and now I was scaling the side of a mountain ... and liking it.

I finally told the other two girls they could race on ahead and they didn't need to keep up a 9 minute pace anymore.  After they disappeared in front of me, I stopped running and looked over the side of the mountain at the tiny town of Winterberg.  It was literally dead silent.  Two things came to my mind: 1.  I wonder what he is doing now.  2. Almost five years ago, I couldn't walk.  My five year anniversary of running into the trees is coming up in a few weeks.  Five years ago the doctor said, "It's going to be a really long time until you run normally again if you're able to do it."  Literally my whole life has changed since then.  That comment, and that experience changed my career, my relationship, my education, my friends, and drastically my body.  Running consistently and using that time to focus on putting more happy things in my life and leaving behind all the crap has really changed things for me.  I'm happier with my body, although I've gained a lot of weight.  I'm solid muscle.  I'm eating healthier, and I feel amazing when I wake up every day.  I've set myself up to work somewhere I want to be, and do something that will be improving health care for patients in the hospital.  I've finally left home and I know what it feels like to completely live on your own.  I've been single long enough not to miss my ex anymore, and I feel like I've finally realized that I'll be happier without him.  I've stopped lying to people telling them I'm dating someone when they ask me out, and I've stopped wasting time with guys who clearly wouldn't be a good fit for me.

Yet here I am at the top of a mountain in Germany wondering what my Florida ex is doing right now.  There was such crazy chemistry between us, I always felt like I was on a roller coaster.  He's the type of dominant type A personality, and over time, I slowly stopped pushing for what I wanted when it was different than what he wanted.  Somehow I became super dependent on him, and I just waited for him to make decisions.  If I made them, he'd disagree or want something else and they'd change anyways so what was the point?  Ten years after we started dating, we're still talking about dating.  We've lived in different countries, dated different people, loved and hated each other, and I still can't figure him out.  He wants to come visit Boston for a weekend, maybe spending some time with him will help sort through some things.

264 Miles Down 51 Miles to Go