Growing Up

So lately I've been trying to see my family as much as I possibly can.  I've spent time with my dad, my brother, my sister, my aunts and uncles, cousins ... and just soak them up as much as possible before I leave for six months.  My mom has also been contacting me rather frequently.  She has always been a difficult person for me.  My parents divorced when I was in high school, and as soon as I was no longer legally obligated I stopped maintaining a relationship with her.  She's a person who has constantly been a struggle for me.  I remember her doing horribly manipulating things to me my entire childhood, and it was a relief to just stop talking to her once I made the decision to do so.

I remember asking her to make me breakfast when I was little and her saying "Poof!! You're breakfast!!" while she played backgammon or something of the sorts on the internet for hours on end.  I never was horribly neglected, but I would never treat my kids the way I grew up from her.  It felt like she was always using me and my life as a pawn to get things she wanted.  Like when she wanted me to live with her, she bought me new clothes, spoiled me with things she thought I wanted.  She got me dating someone who lived an hour away (close to her family) so that I would want to live by her.  I remember the exact moment I decided not to talk to her.  The boy I was dating got in trouble for selling marijuana on school property (I'm not sure what I was doing with him at the time...).  She immediately noticed that it would not look good for her to support me dating him anymore.  So she took it upon herself to call his mother and tell her that her son was requesting sexual favors from me.  WHAT?!?!?!  I realized then that she didn't care about me dating someone to make me happy, but she wanted to win a custody battle.  To be fair, I would have likely broke up with him when I realized what he was doing, I'm not an idiot, but it's a decision I should have made.  And she didn't need to call his mother and lie.

I have felt quite a bit more grown up lately, and I have been looking back on the ten years that I haven't spoken to her.  People always say things like "Oh I'm so sorry, that's so sad."  And I honestly am not bothered because I don't know what it would be like to be best friends with my mom.  I just feel like it is what it is, and I've moved on.  She has recently discovered that I'm moving and has been contacting me incessantly.  I'm not sure what compelled her after all these years, but I still have no desire to rehash something that has been closed for so long.  I just feel so much more independent now.  I haven't been under her thumb, and I love my life.

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