One More Run ...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how much happier I've been, and what has made me so happy.  I look at my friends and family and I want to be as happy as they are.  I've been comparing my happiness to people getting engaged, married, puppies, houses ... But none getting their MBA's.  I'm not the same as them, and I'm sure they were happy before they did all those things, just like I am now.  Also, for the first time since high school, I'm so happy with my body.  Not because I "look" a certain way, but because in the beginning I was dying after one mile, and this week I will run more than 20 miles.  I wanted to do a marathon a month, and this week, I'll almost do that!  I could run forever ... except today.  Today I was dying with two minutes left in my four miles.  I think it was because I'd been running 4+ miles back to back, but I felt like my legs were giving up.  I kept thinking in my mind that I did not spend a year running to walk the final few miles, and I just kept pushing myself ... This is not the time to stop kicking ass.

When I think about all the things that I think will make me happy, it's a lot easier for me to define them now. I use to want a serious relationship, lots of friends, kids and a puppy.  Somehow I got wrapped up in the wrong relationship, and I ignored all the signs that we were wrong for each other.  I've stopped tying my "happiness" to a person or thing, but tying it to my ability to do the things I want to do.  I've been running, eating healthy, putting myself through college, and traveling wherever I want to go.  I feel like I've taken the last year of my life and given myself a hard reset.  My old work out is now my warm up.  I can't lose weight because I'm all muscle.  I'm going to be the first one in my family to get an MBA, and I'm the first one to move away from home.

I took a deep breath, and focused on the fact that I only have two minutes left ... plus one more run tomorrow.  One more run ...

364 Miles Down 3 Miles to Go

Location is a Deal Breaker?

I did not want to run today. If it was any other day of this personal challenge I would have skipped and promised myself I'd make up the mileage later. There was no later today so I needed to get my butt up and moving. I was really wound up and frustrated. I spent the other night talking to one if my Chicago friends who I wrote about earlier ... I dragged my toes to tell him I was moving to Boston, because I wanted him to ask me out.  Once I finally told him, he responded exactly how I thought he would, "But you're moving ..."  I can't blame him, but I was hung up on the fact that I just didn't care about distance when I thought of him. I'm not quite sure why.

I spent a couple hours talking to him the other day about his career, and he's really made me think.  He reminded me of how restless I was once I realized I wanted to go back to school.  Jumping from career to career option, and not really knowing where to land next.  Eventually somehow we landed on the topic of dating, "saving yourself for marriage," and Fifty Shades of Grey.  It felt really good to have an open honest conversation with someone about dating.  After talking about Fifty Shades of Grey, it finally got personal. He started joking about how he was an attractive guy with a big heart ... and I reminded him that I tried to tell him these things when I still lived in Chicago.  He acknowledged that he freaked out, pushed me away, and kept me at a distance.  Then the truth surfaced, everyone has different deal breakers.  For him one of them was location.  For me, I never considered any place other than Chicago home, so I never considered me moving to Boston for school a deal breaker to date someone in Chicago that I really wanted to be with.  I let him know that I didn't believe location was a deal breaker for me, and he agreed that he could see that perspective.  I sort of wish he saw it two years ago... when I wanted him to ask me out, but what can I do. He said we could pick up the conversation from here next time we talked, and we left it at that.

It's kind of funny how sometimes things frustrate you when they happen, but they resurface again later in the strangest of ways.  I didn't see location as a deal breaker, but I can understand how someone else would. I'm not really sure what will come of this later, if anything, but reconnecting was very refreshing.

360 Miles Down 7 Miles to Go

Running Towards It

I need to knock off some serious mileage ... so today I resorted to the treadmill, which I've grown to hate.  It ... is ... just ... so ... boring ... and stationary.  I've been running literally, and running figuratively for over a year now.  I feel like I started this challenge to run away from things.  I have run away from a million different things, letting frustration fuel my progress.  I've run from exboyfriends, bad kissers, shin splints, boredom, crappy friends, rain, wind tunnels, work, homework, and the picture of what I thought my life should be now.

For one of the first times, I wasn't running away from anything today.  I was thinking as I finished one of my only five mile runs, that after this I only have 14 miles left to go.  I've started finding things I want, and then getting them.  I wanted my MBA, I want the experience of leaving home, I want to travel, I want to eat healthy, I want to be stronger, I want to work in a hospital.  There were so many things I wanted to do that I am no longer thinking about but I'm actually doing them.  It's just that easy ... I made a list of things I want, and then I did those things.  I don't feel stationary anymore, I feel like I've moved.  Literally, I have moved to Boston, but I feel like I've put a hard "reset" on life.  I love taking time to myself, running, and taking the time to process my day.  I also love how great my legs look now.  Who knew?

It's time to find some new things to run towards, like new vacations and exploring, the finish line of graduate school, my decision to pick a new career, finding a way to run more than five miles at a time, my next city, and maybe even a puppy.  So many new things to run towards ...

353 Miles Down 14 Miles to Go

Exactly How to Be Happy

I realize today that I've spent a year forcing myself to think about everything in my life.  I know I've spent a great deal of time focusing on dating, my career, where I live, how much I work out, what work out I do ... Everything.  I'm so happy I'm taking the time and energy to process things and internalize them.  But the biggest thing I've learned is to take it all in, learn from it, and then just let it go.  I've made lots of changes in my life over the past year, but I've really just reaffirmed what makes me happy and tried to find the path to be there.  A year ago when I started this mission, I was incredibly unhappy.  I remember sitting on a city bus on a rainy Chicago day explaining to one of my best friends from college, I'm going to fix my life by running. Thank God she didn't think I was crazy, I may have never done this.  I couldn't figure out why I was so unhappy, and it was probably a million things happening in my life all colliding together.  I'm 19 miles from the end goal, and I honestly don't think much of that has changed.  The only difference now is that I've learned somehow not to let if affect me.  Crap will always be a part of life, but instead of holding onto it, you can acknowledge it, forget it, and move onto something that will make you happier.

The less I've focused on things that upset me, and more on things that make me happier I've learned to shift my mood.  Nothing has ever changed my attitude as quickly as a long run and a good smoothie.  Two things I rarely did before this year started.  In the beginning I felt like I was trying to convince myself to be happier, and now I feel like I know exactly how to do it.

348 Miles Down 19 Miles to Go

Rip off the Band aid

Spending the week on a beach with some good friends was exactly what I needed.  I feel incredibly refreshed, and there is nothing like spending one week in a studio apartment with a bunch of friends to bond you.  I'm at the edge of my first year, and I literally can not believe how fast time is moving.

Last night I had a surprise visitor to Boston, Sex or No was here.  I had been so wrapped up in the sunshine and cuban food that I had blocked out anything that wasn't directly seeking me out at the moment.  I feel like I've been slowly moving on in my own time, and never really had that "jolt" or "push" a new relationship gives you.  As soon as you become wrapped up in someone new, all that history you were trying to forget about seems so trivial.  Almost to the point that I can't believe how much I thought about it before.  It seems like one day you need to stand up, decide its over, and rip off the band aid.  So I had a message from him to come meet him out, and I figured why not.  I really liked him when we were hanging out in Chicago, but we were just on two different pages and neither of us were settling enough to start a relationship.

As soon as we got a second alone, he kissed me and said "Can I come back to your house." Smooth move.  I've decided to answer the question very selectively, and it seemed like someone from Chicago who I wasn't going to see again didn't quite feel right.  It was really good to see him again, and I wish we lived closer, but I something felt off and I couldn't say yes.  So I told him I'd see him in Chicago and we left it at that.  I got hassled a little by my friends for turning him down, but I'm not sure how to say yes to that proposition and still show someone I want to be in a serious relationship.  So until I figure that out ...

I've also realized ... I'm going to have to run an incredible amount in the next few weeks to meet my goal ... But I'm getting much better at it ... Similar to picking boys ...

344 Miles Down 23 Miles to Go

Alone Time

Today I ran in Miami!  I'm continuing to bring my runs to the most exotic locations possible.  I ran today with one of my good friends and his wife.  I use to think that working out was something that should stay completely out of a relationship.  I usually wearing loose fitting clothes, I have no make up on, and I believe that if you're not sweaty you haven't worked out hard enough.  So it's not always the most attractive.  After about a mile, the path we were running on was underconstruction and there was a detour.  Through the sand.  No one warned me that running in the sand was like running a marathon without training.  I consider myself in pretty good shape, but I couldn't feel my legs or breathe.  Something about running with someone though made me not want to chicken out.

I'm not sure why, but I always want my alone time.  I love being alone, and working out has pretty much been my steady alone time, not couple time.  It feels so good to have nothing to think about except for not tripping on a stick on the ground.  This past year I've gone through a lot, and I've felt some strange connection to my ex-boyfriend and I've not really been able to pin point why but I think I'm starting to understand that he was not the person who I should be dating.  Maybe if I was dating the right guy, like my married couple friends, I wouldn't need so much alone time.

This week I spent 24 hours driving from Boston to Miami in the car with four friends.  Friends don't replace completely dating someone, but I've had so much fun on this trip so far that it's doing a pretty good job distracting me.  I've been eating Cuban food, dancing, running on the beach, and just having a good time ... That's exactly what I moved across the country to find.

333 Miles Down 34 Miles to Go

Sustainability

I'm finally fired up, and stamina to keep up with it.  I ran five miles today, and I stopped because I was running out of time.  As soon as I finish this challenge, I want to run a half marathon.  I've been talking about it for years now, and it's time to buckle down, pick one and run it.

I've been shifting my focus towards a "buzz word" that is all around MBA world: sustainability.  I've been working so hard the past year to make tiny and drastic changes to my life, and I want to make sure I make them a part of my new life and not just a collection of random things I did.  I really need to untangle myself from the boys in my life and be able to meet a new one.  I can run five miles and I can keep up with all the things I've changed in my life.  I've noticed reading back through the "decisions" I've made that I can be a bit of a flip flopper.  I even got a bit annoyed with myself.  I always want to be open to new experiences and whatever twists and turns life throws at me, but for pete's sake sometimes you have to say no to things. Some things are just bad for you and you have to only let them be part of the past.  I've had such a hard time for whatever reason recognizing what pieces to leave and which ones to keep with me.

I've focused on three major areas: Boys, Jobs, and Health.  At least I've identified that I was miserable with my decisions in all areas before I started this challenge.  I narrowed down the three problem areas and am making tiny changes in all of them.  I really expected some big "Kablam!!" moment or something to happen to me like it does in books and movies, but it turns out my journey was lots and lots of tiny changes that brought me back to grad school in another state: going vegetarian (or clean eating), focusing on a career in hospital management, and choosing to be single instead of with someone I know isn't a good fit for me.  All things I'm frustrated with at times, but happier with now that I'm here.

I've been pretty good at eating vegetarian, watching my nutrition, finding new recipes, cooking at home, and it is amazing how much what you eat affects your mood.  I've worked my way through the professional network in Boston and found a job this summer doing hospital administration, which is perfectly in line with what I think my career will be.  So we will see!  I thing the source of my flip flopping is the boys.  Maybe this is where the big "Kablam" moment will come?  I have no idea ...

327 Miles Down 14 Miles to Go

Keeping it Charged

Today I was running away from something else frustrating.  I was in a team meeting, and I opened my email to see an interview invitation for the hospital I was targeting in Chicago.  The hospital I wanted to work at before I went back to school to get my MBA.  I applied as a random applicant who had no connections to the hospital.  I knew these interviews were very competitive to get, and I was so upset I closed my computer and walked out of the room.  I've already accepted an internship at the biggest hospital in Boston, doing exactly what I'd be doing in Chicago.  Arguably a better position, but I wanted to be home again.  I'm not sure why ... But I feel this crazy obligation to live next door to my family.  I am pretty sure if I try really hard I can get my sister or something to move to where I am.  We'll see, for now I'm getting ready for my first summer away from Chicago.  I'm inventorying all my Bostonian friends and collecting the ones who will be here to entertain me this summer.  I'm finding some good ones.  I'll put my Chicago hospital on hold for this. Who knows, maybe I'll end up liking it here more.

I also had a super weird interaction with the Nice guy last weekend.  We went out for a friends birthday, and he came over after.  We fell asleep at my house, and the next thing I remember is being woken up in a haze in the middle of the night.  "Hey ... Can you come lock the door behind me?  I'm gonna go home."  I woke up and he was gone, and I could barely remember this conversation.  Super strange ... He sent me a message in the morning and apologized ... but I'm starting to think we just aren't compatible.  I'm not sure why, but I miss the bickering.  I miss the joking, arguing, and making up.  It just doesn't feel as charged as I'm use to.  I need that shock that keeps me on my toes and keeps everything spicy and fun.

322 Miles Down 19 Miles to Go

"Happy"

It felt so good to get back into three mile runs today.  After nursing my heel, I was just dying to really move and get sweaty again.

I got an email earlier this week that literally made me jump out of my chair.  I got an interview with one of the biggest hospitals in Boston.  I'd met an alumni there a few weeks ago who encouraged me to apply for the position, but I live in Boston.  There are so many good schools out here going for the same position I wanted that I assumed I'd have to find back ups in other cities.  He sent me a very nice email saying that I was great and passionate and was really going to make a difference.  He encouraged me to start my career at the hospital he was at.  But, they received over 200 applications for a handful of positions.  I feel like this is one of those things for me that I've been wanting for so long, that I feel a bit frozen that it could be so close.  I left my family, friends, job, relationships, and home to move out here and try something new.  I know no matter what happens while I'm out here, I'll have a good experience, but I want the experience I set out here to have.  I want to be in a big hospital learning how they operate.  I started playing the Pharrell song "Happy" and dancing all around my apartment.

Also ...  I will need to kick it up a notch to beat this goal.

302 Miles Down 39 Miles to Go

Work Husbands

One mile!!! I'm going so slow.  I hate it.  I really don't know anyone who is alright with setbacks, and I know I need to just figure out a way to deal with it ... But right now this makes me super crabby.  Getting back to 100% myself is taking forever.  I'm in the middle of internship searching now, and I am waiting to hear from a really big hospital in Boston that is my first choice. It makes me so nervous to wait and wait and wait ... I've been working on this for so long ...

The more I talk to people in consulting, the more I realize that all the money, hotel status, airline miles, crazy travel plans, free amex points ... I was going to say aren't worth it, but then I realized that I really miss those things.  I have a good friend here, who was also interviewing for a consulting position and said to me, "We should both go! It would be so fun! We can hang out all summer!"  I freaked out a little bit.  We use to have a name for this when I was in consulting, "Work Husband."  You eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, you share a car, you go to the gym together, you work next to each other, you're in the same hotel ... I've made some good friends this way, but then we always go home on the weekends and after a year we live in different states.  I always had a love hate relationship with it.  I was overpaid, learning a lot, and traveling all over the world.  But "date night" ment facetiming my boyfriend while I had room service alone in my hotel.  Everytime I wanted to walk away from it, I would get a raise or a promotion or a new project somewhere awesome and stay. Being gone so much put so much space between me and my boyfriend at the time that I remember getting a huge raise (~$10,000) and not even telling him.  I'm not sure why exactly I didn't tell him, but he just didn't seem to understand.  My work husband knew though ...

Recovery from running injuries is a frustrating process ... But I will do it.  I just get up and decide it's time to run again.  Sometimes I'm fine, and sometimes my knee hurts or I am so exhausted I can't breathe when I run, but I always get through it.  Rearranging my life is the same.  I go back and forth on missing someone who I know is not good for me, and I go back and forth about a career that I also know is not good for me. I guess I need to just learn from running.  Make the decision.  Just do it, and be done.  I don't want another work husband, I think I'd be happier with a real one.

298 Miles Down 18 Miles to Go

A Man on My Couch

Today I had a different kind of wedding ring seeking.  I went on a fancy dinner with one of my friends here.  We were talking about how it sucks not to be able to go out to dinner and get dressed up.  I'm single, and his wife is currently living out of state.  So, we decided to get dressed up and go out to eat, along with another one of my girlfriends.  Dinner was awesome, and we went to a bar afterwards that had a jukebox.  I had a beer ... and then I woke up in my bed.  Somehow I forgot the whole night.  I immediately changed into pajamas, went to the bathroom, and wandered into the kitchen for water.  I felt like I could drink all the water the faucet could give me and still be thirsty.  And he was sleeping on my couch.  Shiiiittttt.  Hate blacking out!

After I woke him up fumbling for a cup and water, he filled me in on some pieces I didn't remember.  1.  I threw up on him.  2. I forced him to watch several episodes of Pawn Stars.  3.  We spent quite a bit of time talking about his wife, apparently I had a lot of questions.  As soon as he realized I was fine and awake, he left.  Needless to say I had a lot to think about.

294 Miles Down 22 Miles to Go

Waiting ...

Today I am waiting ... and waiting ... and I really hate waiting.  I went on a trip with some friends up to Maine (checking it off the bucket list of amazing places to visit).  I've had this good friend since college ... about nine years now ... and we've always been really close.  We almost dated senior year, but as soon as we got close I got a job in Chicago and he got one in Minneapolis.  So I shyed away from it, he was one of my best friends and I saw it ending messy.  Nothing more than that really ever happened, we stayed really close and vacationed together (with groups) a few times (India, Munich, Amsterdam, Back to IU ... ).  He's always been one of those guys who I knew I would date eventually when the time was right, but we just haven't been in a position to since college.

Lately, I'd been thinking about the fact that we can sit and talk for hours and it seems like minutes.  And the fact that I really want that.  And just as we started talking a lot more again, he tells me he has a girlfriend.  Naturally!  I said that I was happy for him, and started dodging his calls.  It's not something I want to get tangled in.  Then he sends me an uncharacteristic message "Can I come visit you for a night?  I had a rough day and need a friend."  Of course I said yes, and then he went radio silent.  Three days after he said he wanted to visit, we connected over the phone.  His girlfriend broke up with him.  In Korea, where he went to meet her parents.  Because her parents didn't approve of him not being Korean.  And here he was trying to prove to her parents that he'd be good for their daughter.  He was writing them a letter.  He kept saying on the phone to me, "I'm not sure I can forget how she wanted to marry me one minute, and then just walked away the next."  So she broke up with him, and then they spent 24 hours flying back to the US on the plane together.  Where he planned on getting off in Chicago ...

He ended up not, and going back to Pennsylvania with her, but not as her boyfriend.  A week later she told her parents she wanted to date him, and he was asking me if he should give her another chance.  I didn't know what to tell him, so I told him that I couldn't answer that question.  I can't tell him who he wants to be with.  So when he said that I'd been a good friend and told me he wanted to come visit me in Boston.  I said maybe.  I told him not to read too into this ... but it's a little weird when guys visit me and they have a girlfriend.  He was offended a little I think, but I don't want to be confusing.  So now I'm waiting ... which I hate ... When did dating become waiting to see who wants to visit me in Boston?

286 Miles Down 29 Miles To Go

First name: "He's A" Last name: "Turd"

I'm sick again.  And this time, I can't stop running or I won't make my goal.  I grabbed some Advil, drank a ridiculous amount of orange juice, and bundled up in seven layers for my 1.5 minute walk to the gym.  It felt like a run from one year ago, I kept checking the time and the minutes weren't moving.  I ran a nine minute mile again, and I was so winded.  No matter how much I wanted to stop though, I just didn't want to stop.  All I wanted to do is finish those three miles I set out to do.  There was this little runner voice in my head saying "Only two more minutes for this mile, you can do anything for two minutes." There was also a voice saying "Enough! Stop now! This is so silly! Why did you make this goal?!"  I'm completely exhausted, but I made it.  I have three weeks left to finish my mileage.  This last month, I'll need to run double the amount I should be running because I slacked off so much before.  And even though I'm sick, my nose is running, I can barely breathe from minimal exertion, all I can think of is ... next year I should double my miles and run 630 miles.  Two marathons a month.  If I can do it this month, why can't I do it again.

There's one big thing that I have been overlooking in terms of all this "make myself happy for a year": religion.  Church has never really been fun, and it's always felt like sort of an obligation.  Have to get up early, have to get good seats, have to go every week and smile!  Today I went to a catholic church I've been thinking about going to since I moved here.  People were laughing the whole time, and I actually got something out of what he was saying.  Although it was hard to understand him because he didn't pronounce any "R's".  He ended the mass by spontaneously standing out of the traditional catholic script and saying, "There was an old lady who was on her fourth marriage.  I asked her, 'What does your husband do?' And she replied, 'He's a funeral director.'  I was a little shocked and asked her, 'What did the others do?' She said, 'My first husband was an investment banker.  My second one was a circus clown.  The third was a preacher.  And the fourth is a funeral director.'  I asked her, 'Why men with such diverse careers?' And she replied, 'One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go!'  The whole congregation was laughing.  Was I really at church?  I'm going back here.

I also did something fun to make me laugh.  I got nostalgic a month ago (blame holidays) and texted the ex who I dated for four years.  I'm not really sure why.  He took a day to respond and sent his signature polite "How are you?" message in return.  He's great at telling me nothing but being very polite all at the same time. I told one of my good friends from school that I what I did and she said save his name as something ridiculous.  Something like "This person sucks."  So I saved him as first name: "He's A" and last name: "Turd".  Hopefully next time I think its a good time to be nostalgic, I see this and realize that it's a bad idea.  No one wants to talk to a turd.  I'm going to crawl into bed ...

278 Miles Down 37 Miles to Go

Hippopotamus

Today I had my second hospital internship interview.  I really want to be in one this summer, and I was thinking this as I walked into the last one.  As I was strolling up the sidewalk in my suit with my fancy Kate Spade purse, the man walking out of the building had literally just peed himself.  What am I getting myself into?  I had a great conversation with both BU alumni that I spoke with in my interviews.  One had exactly the same background as me, and wrote me a very very nice email telling me he though I should seriously consider the hospital for the next step in my career.  The second one told me if I didn't have an internship by March to call him and he would look for something for me there.  Definitely a step in the right direction ... especially because there are only a handful of internships at hospitals in Boston, all of which are super competitive...

I've also spent some time thinking about the Florida ex.  Last time I talked to him, he wanted to come up to Boston to visit.  He was asking about MLK weekend, which is next weekend.  When I mentioned it to him he said, "I can't that weekend, but I definitely want to talk about coming up."  It was his suggestion to come that weekend ... and I guess something must have come up?  When I thought about all the chemistry and things we had in common ... I forgot about all the arguing and things we didn't have in common.  We fought so much over everything that we had a safe word for fighting.  (Not the fun kind of safe word that most couples have.)  If we got too intensely arguing, I would say "Hippopotamus" and we would stop and take ten minutes away from each other to calm down.  He went from "I want to come visit you" to one word reply answers.  Maybe I gave him too much credit when I thought we still could work ...

275 Miles Down 40 Miles to Go

Mile 250

After forcing my dad to the gym two days in a row, he was a trooper, today I ran outside around the town I grew up in.  I had been telling him it was too cold (below freezing) to run outside, and that I didn't have the proper gear to run in.  So today I ran in the new nike windproof hoodie he bought me for outdoor winter running.  I'm not sure if he was being thoughtful getting me something I wanted, or if he was tired of the meathead gym.  Something about running around a place with so many memories made me think about how far I've come from the last time I ran this route.  I remember running with my friend who was prepping for the marines (not the marine I dated).  Talking about how I was going to quit my job, about how I wanted to go back to school and move away for the first time.  I could barely get through the whole run without feeling like I was dying.  He was talking about rifles and survival skills and I was talking about student loans and Boston seafood.

I remember this stupid hill that I couldn't get up, and today I realized it's right at the beginning of my fourth mile.  I ran through it in the snow like it was no big deal.  I completely forgot about it.  Hopefully this stupid hill is kind of like my annoyance with being single around the holidays, and next year I won't mind or I won't be single anymore.  My marine friend who I was running with just bought a house, and is getting married in Ireland in a few months.

After I got back from my run, I realized that I beat my original goal today.  I ran 250 miles in less than one year.  Bring on the next 65.

253 Miles Down 62 Miles to Go

The Worst Day of The Year

Today is the worst day of the year.  It's 365 more days until Christmas comes again.  I always hate today. So much that I want to change this when I have my own family.  It's frustrating how on holidays families get pulled between a million different houses, or maybe this is just a divorce kid problem.  Anyways, I want to have my family celebrate the holiday the day after just us.  It'll be our own holiday that we can always have, and never overlap with another family party.  Then maybe I will love today :)

I forced myself on another four mile run, because I realize that after a year of crazy hard work ... I may not make my goal.  I may fall behind because I got overwhelmed with work in graduate school and didn't put in the time.  I stood between my dad and the TV again until he caved and took me to the gym.  I told him it was too cold outside for me to run, so I needed him to take me to the gym as his guest.  Which was true, but I also know he feels better when he comes home from working out.  Successful use of peer pressure :)

This year I spent Christmas running from my dads girlfriends house to my brothers girlfriends, and I started wondering if I really wanted to be in a relationship.  Yes, it's a lot of fun to buy yourself fun presents, but it's also a lot of fun to buy them for someone else!  (And get them of course ...)  I've had such a focus on school and job searching that I've really not dated anyone (except dimples) since I got here.  I think this is the first Christmas since high school that I wasn't in a relationship or missing someone I use to be dating.  I think my problem is that I've been pretty bad in the past of "picking" who to date.  I dated someone who was an emotional roller coaster, then moved on to someone who was so flat lined and noncommittal we didn't fight ever in the four years we dated.  Not sure if this is good or bad, but I'm going to eat a ton of food tonight and just have fun with my family.  I'll be leaving them soon for a bobsled race anyways!!

249 Miles Down 66 Miles to Go

Stranger on a Plane

Today I had a moment of panic.  I am not going to finish my goal.  I have 70 miles left and four weeks.  I am in over my head.  I am also sitting on the couch.  So I got up and got to it.  For four miles today, on Christmas.  I wedged myself in between my dad and the TV until he caved and took me to the gym.

Just when I decide "no more dating" I meet a random guy on the plane that I really click with.  He is of course awesome, and totally undatable.  He lives in San Antonio.  I ended up on a plane going from Boston to Charlotte and then to Chicago.  He was going from San Antonio to Charlotte to Chicago.  We spent the entire two and a half hour flight talking, all the important topics: foodie things, traveling, camping/hiking/running, dating, working from home, making friends in new places.  (I don't camp/hike, but he did).  I haven't had a good conversation like that with someone in so long.  At the end of the flight he asked me if I wanted to keep in touch, and we ended up getting coffee and walking around Chicago a few days later.  He called me.  Like actually on the phone.  I'm always saying I hate technology, no one is personal anymore, and then he called me and I was freaked out.  I'm not sure why, but it makes you super awkward. I had a good time with him again, and we even joked about him coming to Copenhagen with me.  He didn't have a passport with him, and he kept joking he'll never travel domestically without a passport again.

Life is funny.  It was a great date.  Who knows how it will play out ...

Merry Christmas, I got my grades!  I give up.  Well ... I don't give up, but I'm changing my focus drastically.  It is insane how much time I need to put into studying to get A's.  The first quarter of school, I studied all day every day.  And, I got 2 B's and 1 A.  Second quarter, I studied barely ever.  I didn't even open one of the books I purchased, and I got the same grades.  Being the super smart graduate student that I am, I've realized that I can scale back on the intense studying I was doing and focus on getting a job that I want to have.  

245 Miles Down 70 Miles to Go

Bobsleds

Lately I've been doing what could be dumb things.  I've been talking to my exboyfriends.  I'm not sure why, but around the holidays, I always think about what I was doing on past holidays, and then I start thinking about guys I've been serious about, and then I start wondering what they are up to.  And then I'm considering recycling again.  I'm trying to stay distracted with working out and school and try not to focus on guys I've already dated.

I also did something extremely exciting ... I had a pair of boots (Patagonia) give out on me ... and I brought them in and exchanged them for a brand new pair of $180 boots, for free!  This is not the exciting part, the exciting part is that I had to do this because I just booked a trip to Copenhagen for new years and then to Winterland Germany for a bobsled race.  What am I doing?!  I should have been studying for final exams, but instead I found this to be a much more pressing issue.  One of my friends was talking about a trip to Europe, and my ears perked up.  "Want to go to Germany and see a bobsled race?"  My impulsive reaction was, "Can we go somewhere else too first?"  And now I'm prepping to visit Copenhagen and Winterland in the middle of winter.

241 Miles Down 74 Miles to Go

MPH in the Long Run

I've been accepted into the Masters in Public Health program.  I can't decide if it's good or bad.  I think I'm applying to diversify myself further than an MBA in health care already would.  I'm not sure that's even necessary?  I don't know what to think.  I talked to my favorite Operations teacher, and she gave me some pretty good advice.  She said if I want the career I've been talking to her about, then it probably won't be necessary.  However, if I want to diversify myself and one day move into health policy, then this would be a good choice.  I think I'm trying to get out of the Business School ... and not necessarily focusing on what I want to do next with my career.  I also found out ... my scholarship may be at risk.  Some other students who chose dual degrees ended up losing their whole scholarship or part of it.  It started to seem like a more expensive option that wouldn't necessarily add much more to what I'm already doing.  So I'm turning down the offer.

As soon as I decided that I would turn down the offer, the admissions office started calling me and emailing me.  It's like they knew!  They wanted to set up my first classes, and I was still super unsure.  I think this is the first time I've started turning things down.  I feel like I always get pulled between one thing and the next in life (dating, jobs, social plans...), and I usually take the next offer that is good.  Not this time!  I'm setting my sights on the long run with big decisions.

239 Miles Down 76 Miles to Go

Closing Recovery and Patience, Opening Fun and Adventure

I love the holidays.  There's nothing that makes me soooo happy and sooo incredibly frustrated simultaneously.  I survived Thanksgiving dinner without eating meat.  I thought being "vegetarian" (flexitarian, pescatarian whatever fancy label I fall under while I'm trying to be healthy) would be tricky, but Thanksgiving sides are amazing.  And I took a poll and realized that most people don't even like Thanksgiving turkey.  Anyways, I ate so much I needed to get my but in motion.  Once I stood between my dad and the TV long enough I was able to convince him to take me to the gym, and I had an amazing treadmill run at my old meathead gym.

I finally feel like I live in Boston, I came home and everything was pretty much the same, but everything was so different.  My brother and his girlfriend moved in together.  They're starting to make the suburbs look not so scary.  Their problems are actually hilarious.  My brother moved in with a bed frame and six gaming systems, and she moved in with 1,000 boxes.  My favorite addition of hers is her five Christmas trees.  My brother's rule for her is "One in, two out."

One running annoyance snuck up on me that I thought for sure I was done with... Shin splints.  How did they find me?!  I haven't had them in months.  The last three runs, I've been basically running through them trying not to notice they were happening.  And then it hit me, I need new shoes!!  I've run out a pair of shoes.  I know this is cheesy, but I was thinking about how far I've come in these shoes.  I was bored, broke, and lonely.  Now I'm anything but bored, still broke (but on my way to making money!!), and being lonely sometimes doesn't bother me anymore.  Now I get to buy new shoes, and see where these next ones take me.  For my next pair of shoes, I want to focus on fun and adventure.  I'm closing the chapter on recovery and patience.

236 Miles To Go 79 Miles To Go