Lately I've started to notice a separation between my good friends. The ones that realize I'm moving, and the ones that don't. (I realize how selfish that statement sounds...) I just want to see everyone before I go, and it's odd to see my friends split into these two groups. I have some friends that want to see me all the time, and go out all the time and have a great summer. Some of them ... go in early because they're tired, or make the silliest excuses. I know that I handle this type of change differently than most people. I want to soak up as much of Chicago and my friends and family here until I can't anymore because I live next door to Fenway Park instead of Wriggley. I'm starting to realize who I am going to really miss.
I'm also realizing that this happens with dating ... As soon as I say that I'm going to school in another state everything fizzles. And I'm not complaining that this is a bad thing, just noticing that it happens. I'm not sure I'd want to try to date someone long distance unless I was already very close to them. I don't like being in a situation and wondering if things would be different if I were staying here. I think it's going to take me actually moving to get over that feeling though. I was seeing someone a little, and I haven't seen him in a month. We still keep in touch, but I hate the feeling that I'm chasing a boy. I think it may be time to let that one rest.
The past few weeks, I've been focusing largely on eliminating one problem from my life: clutter. I fully admit, I am a bit of a hoarder. I have six coffee creamer containers on my counter because I may see something cute on pinterest one day. I have thirty food magazines just incase I want to look for a recipe. My closet is bursting full, and I have roughly seventeen blankets littering my apartment. So this week, I threw away the coffee containers. If I do eventually make a craft, I will have craft clutter, which will be more annoying than empty container clutter. I cut out some recipes I thought I'd want, and ditched the magazines. I have three garbage bags full of clothes to donate. As it turns out, I love empty space! I love it! I love seeing an empty shelf ... I love seeing the floor. I love the space in my closet, and the fact that I don't feel pressured to make pieces of clothes work that I don't really want to wear.
So ... I started thinking, if removing stuff I don't need, why can't I do this with other things? I have some friends who I do things I hate doing just to see. For example, spend a ton of money on a fancy meal that I didn't really want to eat. Go see movies I don't really want to see. Spend time doing things I don't actually want to do. Why do we do these things? It's time to cut out the crap. I'm going to carve out more time to run because I loved doing it. Well I didn't love doing it, but I loved being done with a long run, and it's been two weeks!
I also think this works with dating. My college ex is back in Chicago ... Ah! So I got dinner with him again, and he did something that frustrates me. He paid for it. I am uncomfortable with guys that I am dating doing this, but my exboyfriend doing it is even worse ... So after we had dinner, he asked me to dinner again. And I said no. The conversation quickly spiraled into ...
Him: "Please forgive me if I ask you to dinner again."
Me: "I'm not comfortable with you paying."
Him: "You're a student. Get over it"
Me: "No. I can pay for myself and I prefer to."
Him: "Tough cookies."
Me: "This is not a debate. I will pay for myself or I am busy."
Him: "So sorry our schedules didn't work out."
Are exboyfriends clutter? I was so happy once I got over him that I wasn't with him anymore. He was constantly forcing me to be something I didn't want to be. It happen subtly ... "I like when you don't wear t-shirts." "Why don't you go to the gym?" "Don't eat McDonalds." "Wear your hair in a ponytail." I trusted him, so I didn't notice it. But the truth is, I hate being around people that won't let me be me. Friends or someone I'm dating. I think in the past I would have just gone back to my ex because he was there and "chasing" me. I would have forgot about the guy who I actually liked. When I know neither of those outcomes are what I would have picked.
So it's time to declutter my life a little bit more, and turn down things I don't want.
127 Miles Down 123 Miles To Go
4 Bikram Yogas
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