Rip off the Band aid

Spending the week on a beach with some good friends was exactly what I needed.  I feel incredibly refreshed, and there is nothing like spending one week in a studio apartment with a bunch of friends to bond you.  I'm at the edge of my first year, and I literally can not believe how fast time is moving.

Last night I had a surprise visitor to Boston, Sex or No was here.  I had been so wrapped up in the sunshine and cuban food that I had blocked out anything that wasn't directly seeking me out at the moment.  I feel like I've been slowly moving on in my own time, and never really had that "jolt" or "push" a new relationship gives you.  As soon as you become wrapped up in someone new, all that history you were trying to forget about seems so trivial.  Almost to the point that I can't believe how much I thought about it before.  It seems like one day you need to stand up, decide its over, and rip off the band aid.  So I had a message from him to come meet him out, and I figured why not.  I really liked him when we were hanging out in Chicago, but we were just on two different pages and neither of us were settling enough to start a relationship.

As soon as we got a second alone, he kissed me and said "Can I come back to your house." Smooth move.  I've decided to answer the question very selectively, and it seemed like someone from Chicago who I wasn't going to see again didn't quite feel right.  It was really good to see him again, and I wish we lived closer, but I something felt off and I couldn't say yes.  So I told him I'd see him in Chicago and we left it at that.  I got hassled a little by my friends for turning him down, but I'm not sure how to say yes to that proposition and still show someone I want to be in a serious relationship.  So until I figure that out ...

I've also realized ... I'm going to have to run an incredible amount in the next few weeks to meet my goal ... But I'm getting much better at it ... Similar to picking boys ...

344 Miles Down 23 Miles to Go

Mile 1

On day one, I am already doubting my decision.  On my way to the gym at 5:00 AM, the first snowstorm happens in over a year.  I'm exhausted, It's early, and I'm driving in a snowstorm.  It took me an hour and a half to get to the gym.  As soon as I got to the gym I was so happy I made it.  I stepped on the treadmill in my new yoga pants, and started to run.  Eventually I started to feel exhausted, I felt like I had been running for hours.  When I looked down at the time, it had almost been three minutes.  I would have to repeat what I had just done roughly 833 more times.  WHAT DID I SIGN UP FOR?

I've never been a runner.  I've always enjoyed sports like dance or yoga.  In particular yoga where you get to lay on the floor half the work out.  I'm not lazy, but I'm not conditioned for endurance.  I think this is how I've been living my life.  Small changes, in spurts.  I've been making tiny choices to make myself happy, like I think I'll have sushi for dinner or I'll go on a weekend trip to some place I've never been.  It always works momentarily.  Over the past four and a half years, I have done more traveling than the 20 years before that.  I had a traveling job, and took full advantage.  I went Skydiving in Hawaii, to Vegas twice (and left up both times), I went ziplining in el salvador after building a cement road, climbed up a waterfall in Jamaica, went to Octoberfest, taught English to schoolchildren in India, had a Guiness at the Guiness factory in Dublin, and have seen numerous states in the US.  As much fun as I was having, I think I've just been putting bandaids on the bigger issues that I didn't know how to or have the guts to change.  So ... What do I need to fix?

1 Mile Down, 249 To Go