"Home"

Today I finally admitted defeat.  I live in Boston.  I'm no longer a Chicagoan.  I miss the Weiner Circle at 2:00 AM, being two blocks from the beach, and even the cubs fans throwing up on my sidewalk.  So here I am, admitting that I live here, and for the time being here I will stay.

I finally spent some time moving into my apartment.  I unpacked the final Ikea packages I'd been pretending not to see.  I put my mattress on a bed frame.  I hung all my postcards on the wall so I'd be reminded of the trips I'd taken.  I found a church and started actually going.  I joined a yoga studio.  Time to establish a connection to the city of Boston other than my classroom and local pub bubble.

I remember in college when my boyfriend at the time (the one who lives in Florida now) told me he was moving to London for graduate school.  I freaked out, and he seemed so calm.  I remember us talking about what would happen when we were in different countries.  I was 21, and I was planning on graduating and following him across the Atlantic Ocean.  I had barely been out of the country myself at the time ... and I thought this was a completely logical next step for us.  I remember defining "home" as laying your roots in another person, and home could be wherever you were together.  He always woke me up by saying, "Goodmorning Beautiful," and although I didn't, I felt like I could find "home" somewhere other than the structure I grew up in.  We're not together anymore, and my home definitely isn't him, but I like the concept of not feeling tied down to a brick structure as a "home."  I can feel at home wherever I have my running shoes, my friends, and the road to myself.  I can always rely on my running shoes.

356 Miles Down 11 Miles to Go

Rip off the Band aid

Spending the week on a beach with some good friends was exactly what I needed.  I feel incredibly refreshed, and there is nothing like spending one week in a studio apartment with a bunch of friends to bond you.  I'm at the edge of my first year, and I literally can not believe how fast time is moving.

Last night I had a surprise visitor to Boston, Sex or No was here.  I had been so wrapped up in the sunshine and cuban food that I had blocked out anything that wasn't directly seeking me out at the moment.  I feel like I've been slowly moving on in my own time, and never really had that "jolt" or "push" a new relationship gives you.  As soon as you become wrapped up in someone new, all that history you were trying to forget about seems so trivial.  Almost to the point that I can't believe how much I thought about it before.  It seems like one day you need to stand up, decide its over, and rip off the band aid.  So I had a message from him to come meet him out, and I figured why not.  I really liked him when we were hanging out in Chicago, but we were just on two different pages and neither of us were settling enough to start a relationship.

As soon as we got a second alone, he kissed me and said "Can I come back to your house." Smooth move.  I've decided to answer the question very selectively, and it seemed like someone from Chicago who I wasn't going to see again didn't quite feel right.  It was really good to see him again, and I wish we lived closer, but I something felt off and I couldn't say yes.  So I told him I'd see him in Chicago and we left it at that.  I got hassled a little by my friends for turning him down, but I'm not sure how to say yes to that proposition and still show someone I want to be in a serious relationship.  So until I figure that out ...

I've also realized ... I'm going to have to run an incredible amount in the next few weeks to meet my goal ... But I'm getting much better at it ... Similar to picking boys ...

344 Miles Down 23 Miles to Go

Stranger on a Plane

Today I had a moment of panic.  I am not going to finish my goal.  I have 70 miles left and four weeks.  I am in over my head.  I am also sitting on the couch.  So I got up and got to it.  For four miles today, on Christmas.  I wedged myself in between my dad and the TV until he caved and took me to the gym.

Just when I decide "no more dating" I meet a random guy on the plane that I really click with.  He is of course awesome, and totally undatable.  He lives in San Antonio.  I ended up on a plane going from Boston to Charlotte and then to Chicago.  He was going from San Antonio to Charlotte to Chicago.  We spent the entire two and a half hour flight talking, all the important topics: foodie things, traveling, camping/hiking/running, dating, working from home, making friends in new places.  (I don't camp/hike, but he did).  I haven't had a good conversation like that with someone in so long.  At the end of the flight he asked me if I wanted to keep in touch, and we ended up getting coffee and walking around Chicago a few days later.  He called me.  Like actually on the phone.  I'm always saying I hate technology, no one is personal anymore, and then he called me and I was freaked out.  I'm not sure why, but it makes you super awkward. I had a good time with him again, and we even joked about him coming to Copenhagen with me.  He didn't have a passport with him, and he kept joking he'll never travel domestically without a passport again.

Life is funny.  It was a great date.  Who knows how it will play out ...

Merry Christmas, I got my grades!  I give up.  Well ... I don't give up, but I'm changing my focus drastically.  It is insane how much time I need to put into studying to get A's.  The first quarter of school, I studied all day every day.  And, I got 2 B's and 1 A.  Second quarter, I studied barely ever.  I didn't even open one of the books I purchased, and I got the same grades.  Being the super smart graduate student that I am, I've realized that I can scale back on the intense studying I was doing and focus on getting a job that I want to have.  

245 Miles Down 70 Miles to Go

Call me maybe?

Four miles again ... Owned.  I'm so strong.  I was sore the entire run, but I did it.

I've been thinking more lately about the guy I was dating for a while.  Who has gone MIA.  After I spent the night at his place, I saw him again at a friends party.  He started doing things like taking hours to answer a text and finally dropped the bomb, "Sorry, I've been really busy."  Secret code for, "I didn't want to talk to you, so I ignored you and pretended to be busy."  It seems like I haven't been able to get on the same page with guys lately.  The ones hitting on me, I'm uninterested in.  The ones I've liked, dissipated for some reason or another.

A few weeks ago, I had a friend come visit.  She started sharing pretty personal drama, and we did the adult thing and ordered two martinis.  Five martinis later, we were talking what she called "word diarrhea."  We were over sharing, and nothing was off limits.  So much so that I woke up to a message from Carlie Rae Jepson (The one I was dating and spent the night at his house) that said "What does that mean drunky?"  Awesome!  On top of drunk texting ... i have developed a new habit. When I send a message I know I won't want to see in the morning , I DELETE IT.  Apparently I had five martinis and deemed it appropriate to tell him "Call me maybe."  This is exactly the impression I wanted to make on him.   If I wasn't sure of what I needed to do before, now I was.  When I first started talking to him he was going to extremes to see me, and being really aggressive.  And now, he's too busy to return a text.

So now, I think it's time to do one of the things I wished I could do when I was dating the marine.  When I realize it's not going to work and it isn't something I want: walk away.  I deleted his phone number, and I think it's time to just let this one go.

149 Miles Down 166 Miles To Go