Complex Labyrinth of Rules

I thought running outside was intense when I started doing it.  Running outside, in June, in Chicago, on the Lake, is intense.  I almost stopped after one mile, but I passed a woman running with a dog in a stroller.  A dog in a stroller.  If she can run, I can run.  I kept thinking about something my brother said over the weekend.  I've been trying to become vegan.  I've been making a point to be vegetarian.  This weekend for fathers day we were going to have a cookout.  Meals at my dads house generally include one very large portion of meat, and possibly chips on the side.  Last time I was there, we made burgers, hot dogs, beer brats, and no sides.  Not super vegan friendly ... So this weekend I asked him to get me a veggie burger:

Me: "Dad, can you pick up some veggie burgers for this weekend?"
Dad: "Oh right! I forgot you're doing that vegetarian thing. I'll get salmon."
Me: "Dad, salmon is fish.  It's not vegetarian."
Dad: "Ok fine.  I'll get a veggie burger.  Or how about something fancier, I'll get you crab cakes."

It is so hard to just up and change!  We ended up going to a restaurant, and I ordered something that had shrimp in it.  My brother proceeded to say "I'm vegetarian, I eat fish, I am vegan, I had a hotdog."  I didn't realize I was so wishy washy.  I think I'm using all these rules to try to shape what I want, to be in this case healthier, when I could just focus on eating fruit.  Occasionally cheating is ok, but time to stop downing bags of cheetos and giant bowls of pasta.  Instead of designing a complex labyrinth of rules that are designed to shape my life into the thing I want it to be, I'm going to change my perspective.  I'm going to decide what I want, and instead of focusing on what to cut out I'm going to focus on what to include more of.

123 Miles Down 127 Miles To Go

Vegan Success and Focusing on the New

Day 2 of the Vegan Trial = Another day of massive success.  I still feel alert, happy, and full all day.  I had another day of delicious food with a new recipe for dinner.

This is not my picture ... but her's really does the meal justice:

Quinoa Risotto with Coconut Milk Mushrooms and Saffron

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2010/08/almond-coconut-quinoa-risotto-saffron.html

One thing I'm noticing is that I'm not "hungry" or "full" anymore.  I just enjoy eating, eat the correct proportion and then stop.  I stay full and in between I snack on oranges or bananas mostly out of boredom.  Today I felt so amazing and energized that I ran five miles.  I ran my first mile at 7:30, which I have never done before.  I remember in high school running the mile for gym class, and at the time I was in my peak athletic condition.  I would use my inhaler (popular kid alert) and run my little heart out and the fastest I ever came in was an 8:30 mile.

I think I've been feeling so great that I stepped outside my comfort zone and did something I was trying not to do ... I asked a guy out.  Something I rarely do ... but we had been talking and have a lot in common.  Plus I've had a little bit of a crush on him since last summer.  And he said in a nice way "but you're moving." Ugh.  I'm not sure why with some people I see these restrictions and with others I don't.  I have told just about every other guy that has asked me out the same excuse he was just telling me, but thinking about him it didn't bother me so much.  I'm not sure what it is that makes your just want to run up to someone and hug them when you see them vs. wanting to dodge eye contact and make excuses, but I wish I could figure it out.  I haven't really had that feeling where I wanted to ask someone out in a very long time ... So I'm glad I acted on it.  I'm pretty sure life will never slow down enough for it to be a good time for me to start a relationship so I'm going to try to not let it get in the way of that when I think that may happen.  Time to shift the focus to building the new.

74 Miles Down 176 Miles To Go

Living in the Present as a Vegan

Vegan Day 1 = Huge Success.  I loved all my meals today.  I felt full all day, and I had more energy than I've had in a long time.  I'm posting every recipe, because I didn't know vegans could eat well until I found this blog.  Everything is so flavorful and I lost that sluggish lethargic feeling I can sometimes get in my normal life.  It's funny how what you eat can have such a huge affect not only on your body but on your mood.

Breakfast: Tofu Kale Spinach Burrito

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2011/06/vegan-breakfast-burrito-fun-with-daiya.html

Lunch: Mac and Cheese & Cinnamon Cookies

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2013/04/boxed-vegan-mac-cheez-gone-fancy-easy.html

Dinner: Mango Avocado Basil Wrap

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2012/07/thats-wrap-peach-basil-avocado-balsamic.html

I even had one of my best runs today.  Four miles, and I barely noticed them.  The problem I'm having now is making time to run all these extra miles (good problems!!).  I think that I need to start applying this method to my regular life.  Stop putting things into it that are affecting me negatively.  I need to weed out all the people who make me unhappy, and stop putting myself in any situations where I'm unhappy with how it affects me.  I started going to church again recently, and last weekend I officially started working daycare.  I go to church, hang out in a side room and babysit kids from 1 month to 2 years old.  I don't think there is anything that can make you more happy than little babies all running up to you hugging you.  I've also noticed as I get more involved, I'm making friends with genuinely good people.  I know it will take time for certain things in the past to settle there and no longer affect my future, but as I find more positive things to focus on in the present those things are really starting to speed up that process.  Finally ...

69 Miles Down 181 Miles to Go

Making Friends and Going Vegan

Since the last time I've run ...

One of my very best friends told me she was engaged.
One of my very best friends got a puppy.
One of my very best friends moved.
One of my very best friends got a new job.
One of my very best friends started her baby on solid food.

... Why can't I stop focusing on this?  What is going on?  I'm pushing to change all this "stuff" in my life, but I haven't found the change that makes me happy yet.  I'm still occasionally frustrated.  My friend texted me at 5:00 AM this week, "Call me as soon as you wake up!!"  My thought process went something like this: 1 - Someone is in the hospital. 2 - She's pregnant.  3 - She's engaged.  Luckily ... She's engaged!  My nose started tingling and I started getting tearey eyed.  I miss my friends.  My ex was my best friend for the four years we were together.  He listened to me on the phone, had dinner, went out for drinks, movies whatever I wanted.  Somehow I fell into this black hole of relationship land and slowly lost touch with my good platonic friends.  The last time I had friends who knew me inside and out was college, five years ago.  Holy @#%!.  I think part of the reason this happened aside from dating Maybe is because I moved to Chicago and took a traveling job.  All my college friends were dispersed across the U.S. and I barely saw them.

As soon as I moved to Chicago, I realized that life was not like the TV show "Friends".  You can't sit in a coffee shop all day, date someone new every couple weeks, and I don't recall a scene where they went to the bars (which seems like the only thing people do here).  They just hang out and get to know each other literally all the time.  Stay skinny and never go to the gym, eat and rarely cook (except Monica).  I made a lot of "friends" in the city, but none of them knew me as well as the people I lived with the four years of college.  When I'm a big fan of running and yoga, it's tough to make new ones.  You can't run behind someone or sneak up beside them and say Hi.  You also can't introduce yourself to someone next to you in bikram yoga (it's silent) or after class (everyone pretty much gets naked to change out of their soaked yoga clothes right away ... and that would be weird).  I don't work in the city so it's tough to make work friends.  I've set myself up to not make friends! What?!?!

I'm seriously considering if I want to live in a big city after school.  I do have some new living criteria: no more commuting.  Also, It's time to live somewhere that I want to know my neighbors.  For now, I can't control any of that, and its sooooo frustrating.  So I'm trying to focus on things that I can change.  I'm going to try something I've always wanted to try: going vegan.  Not permanently, but for one week.  I've occasionally gone vegetarian or only eaten fish.  Not because I have an emotional connection, but because I just feel better.  So I'm going to try to change the way I eat and see if I can't get myself feeling a little better.  One week to focus on things I can change: food!   

65 Miles Down 185 Miles To Go