The Religion Thing

There is something I've been trying to avoid completely that keeps creeping back up.  Church.  I feel like it's such a taboo subject because people are so strong willed in whatever they believe that it's so easy to offend someone.  I'm a cradle catholic (grew up catholic), and never really questioned anything.  Catholic school ... Church twice a week ... My dad even has more pictures of Jesus in the family room than his kids.  I never really questioned it until I went on a trip to El Salvador last year.  After my ex and I broke up, I spent quite a bit of time moping around living off Ben & Jerrys and Jacks frozen pizza.  A friend invited me out to an art show at her church.  As I was looking through the artwork I saw some photos of small children in those black and white pictures.  Sort of like the kind you see on TV when that song is playing in the background (I believe there are angels among us ... ).  I asked her who took those photos, and she said they were from a service trip to El Salvador.  I signed up a week later.

I spent a week working side by side the people who lived in the small town of El Progresso.  The twenty something of us from the U.S. geared up rode a pick up truck through the streets (dirt paths) of El Progresso (El Salvador) to our work site where we made a road.  I joined the trip to try to think about anything other than my recent break up, and while I was there I found myself thinking about religion again for the first time in years.  I went on the trip to get myself out of the break up rut that I was in, I found myself leaving feeling refreshed and ready to get out of my pajamas and pizza black hole.

I'm not sure when I stopped, but I stopped going to church.  Life got in the way somehow with my traveling job, and hectic schedule.  I've spent the past year trying to slowly get back into church and figuring out how I really feel about this whole religion thing.

84 Miles Down 196 Miles To Go

The Suburbian Triangle

I ran four consecutive eight minute miles.  I have never been so excited.  Except the problem now is that I'm barely running!  It only took me a little over half an hour ... when this use to take me a full hour (10 min walk warm up, three 10 min miles, and 10 minute cool down).  Now all I need to do is push past the four mile run.  

All I could think about today is moving to Boston!  This past weekend I went out and picked an apartment, did a history tour, got some fancy italian food, famous cannoli's, and even saw a game at the big green monster (Fenway).  I fricking love this city.  I've always loved Chicago, but it's never really been mine.  I feel like up until this point the past five years have all been typical.  I've come "home" to where my family is, I've got a job in consulting, I've moved downtown.  I've done all the things my good friend refers to as the "suburbian triangle life".  You grow up in the suburbs, go away to college, come home and move downtown, meet someone, marry and move back to the suburbs.  I know so many people doing this.  There is nothing wrong with this path, but I am just now starting to realize it isn't mine.  I don't know anyone in Boston, I don't have any family members who have gone back full time to get an MBA, and it'll be mine.

Seeing so closely the next step has put quite a bit in perspective.  I'm starting to feel like the timer has been turned upside down, the race is on!  Just like my mile pace, my life is moving quick.

I've also scheduled mental health day ... and I'm going to run, do yoga, shop, and read a book.  I can not wait to have some time to myself to unwind.

81 Miles Down 169 Miles To Go

Plateaus

Vegan week was an amazing success.  I feel healthier, more energized, happier, and I'm going to keep this lifestyle.  I'm going to keep eating mostly vegan (probably with the occasional cheese or egg) in my house, and try to stay vegetarian when I leave.  I also had something very exciting happen to me this week.  The weight on my drivers license ... is no longer a lie.  I weigh the same amount I did in high school.  For the first time since then.  Plus I have muscles (because I decided not to be skinny fat and its working!).  I haven't even had cheetos in weeks.  There was a situation a couple months ago, where I walked by the vending machine and saw two co workers.  One of them said to the other "Are you pulling a Kim?" ... "Getting 2:00 PM cheetos".  I realized that I needed to change my habits then, so I switched to baked cheetos.  As it turns out, that wasn't what I needed.  What I needed was a piece of fruit.  I feel like lately I've plateaued.  I'm lukewarm happy.  I'm anticipating all these changes, but I'm not happy with what I'm doing in the mean time.

Today I went into work ... with my packed lunch box.  After driving an hour and a half.  I opened excel and turned on the iridescent light.  Four hours later ... nothing had changed except that my coffee was gone.  I realized that I've been working without any days off four three months straight.  I'm going internally stir crazy.  I think I need a mental health day ... Or a mental health week.  I am looking at yoga retreats ... I think I'll start with a mental health day, and take it from there ...

77 Miles Down 173 Miles To Go

Vegan Success and Focusing on the New

Day 2 of the Vegan Trial = Another day of massive success.  I still feel alert, happy, and full all day.  I had another day of delicious food with a new recipe for dinner.

This is not my picture ... but her's really does the meal justice:

Quinoa Risotto with Coconut Milk Mushrooms and Saffron

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2010/08/almond-coconut-quinoa-risotto-saffron.html

One thing I'm noticing is that I'm not "hungry" or "full" anymore.  I just enjoy eating, eat the correct proportion and then stop.  I stay full and in between I snack on oranges or bananas mostly out of boredom.  Today I felt so amazing and energized that I ran five miles.  I ran my first mile at 7:30, which I have never done before.  I remember in high school running the mile for gym class, and at the time I was in my peak athletic condition.  I would use my inhaler (popular kid alert) and run my little heart out and the fastest I ever came in was an 8:30 mile.

I think I've been feeling so great that I stepped outside my comfort zone and did something I was trying not to do ... I asked a guy out.  Something I rarely do ... but we had been talking and have a lot in common.  Plus I've had a little bit of a crush on him since last summer.  And he said in a nice way "but you're moving." Ugh.  I'm not sure why with some people I see these restrictions and with others I don't.  I have told just about every other guy that has asked me out the same excuse he was just telling me, but thinking about him it didn't bother me so much.  I'm not sure what it is that makes your just want to run up to someone and hug them when you see them vs. wanting to dodge eye contact and make excuses, but I wish I could figure it out.  I haven't really had that feeling where I wanted to ask someone out in a very long time ... So I'm glad I acted on it.  I'm pretty sure life will never slow down enough for it to be a good time for me to start a relationship so I'm going to try to not let it get in the way of that when I think that may happen.  Time to shift the focus to building the new.

74 Miles Down 176 Miles To Go

Living in the Present as a Vegan

Vegan Day 1 = Huge Success.  I loved all my meals today.  I felt full all day, and I had more energy than I've had in a long time.  I'm posting every recipe, because I didn't know vegans could eat well until I found this blog.  Everything is so flavorful and I lost that sluggish lethargic feeling I can sometimes get in my normal life.  It's funny how what you eat can have such a huge affect not only on your body but on your mood.

Breakfast: Tofu Kale Spinach Burrito

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2011/06/vegan-breakfast-burrito-fun-with-daiya.html

Lunch: Mac and Cheese & Cinnamon Cookies

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2013/04/boxed-vegan-mac-cheez-gone-fancy-easy.html

Dinner: Mango Avocado Basil Wrap

http://kblog.lunchboxbunch.com/2012/07/thats-wrap-peach-basil-avocado-balsamic.html

I even had one of my best runs today.  Four miles, and I barely noticed them.  The problem I'm having now is making time to run all these extra miles (good problems!!).  I think that I need to start applying this method to my regular life.  Stop putting things into it that are affecting me negatively.  I need to weed out all the people who make me unhappy, and stop putting myself in any situations where I'm unhappy with how it affects me.  I started going to church again recently, and last weekend I officially started working daycare.  I go to church, hang out in a side room and babysit kids from 1 month to 2 years old.  I don't think there is anything that can make you more happy than little babies all running up to you hugging you.  I've also noticed as I get more involved, I'm making friends with genuinely good people.  I know it will take time for certain things in the past to settle there and no longer affect my future, but as I find more positive things to focus on in the present those things are really starting to speed up that process.  Finally ...

69 Miles Down 181 Miles to Go

Making Friends and Going Vegan

Since the last time I've run ...

One of my very best friends told me she was engaged.
One of my very best friends got a puppy.
One of my very best friends moved.
One of my very best friends got a new job.
One of my very best friends started her baby on solid food.

... Why can't I stop focusing on this?  What is going on?  I'm pushing to change all this "stuff" in my life, but I haven't found the change that makes me happy yet.  I'm still occasionally frustrated.  My friend texted me at 5:00 AM this week, "Call me as soon as you wake up!!"  My thought process went something like this: 1 - Someone is in the hospital. 2 - She's pregnant.  3 - She's engaged.  Luckily ... She's engaged!  My nose started tingling and I started getting tearey eyed.  I miss my friends.  My ex was my best friend for the four years we were together.  He listened to me on the phone, had dinner, went out for drinks, movies whatever I wanted.  Somehow I fell into this black hole of relationship land and slowly lost touch with my good platonic friends.  The last time I had friends who knew me inside and out was college, five years ago.  Holy @#%!.  I think part of the reason this happened aside from dating Maybe is because I moved to Chicago and took a traveling job.  All my college friends were dispersed across the U.S. and I barely saw them.

As soon as I moved to Chicago, I realized that life was not like the TV show "Friends".  You can't sit in a coffee shop all day, date someone new every couple weeks, and I don't recall a scene where they went to the bars (which seems like the only thing people do here).  They just hang out and get to know each other literally all the time.  Stay skinny and never go to the gym, eat and rarely cook (except Monica).  I made a lot of "friends" in the city, but none of them knew me as well as the people I lived with the four years of college.  When I'm a big fan of running and yoga, it's tough to make new ones.  You can't run behind someone or sneak up beside them and say Hi.  You also can't introduce yourself to someone next to you in bikram yoga (it's silent) or after class (everyone pretty much gets naked to change out of their soaked yoga clothes right away ... and that would be weird).  I don't work in the city so it's tough to make work friends.  I've set myself up to not make friends! What?!?!

I'm seriously considering if I want to live in a big city after school.  I do have some new living criteria: no more commuting.  Also, It's time to live somewhere that I want to know my neighbors.  For now, I can't control any of that, and its sooooo frustrating.  So I'm trying to focus on things that I can change.  I'm going to try something I've always wanted to try: going vegan.  Not permanently, but for one week.  I've occasionally gone vegetarian or only eaten fish.  Not because I have an emotional connection, but because I just feel better.  So I'm going to try to change the way I eat and see if I can't get myself feeling a little better.  One week to focus on things I can change: food!   

65 Miles Down 185 Miles To Go

Skinny Fat

It's time to make some decisions.  I've been planning and planning and waiting and waiting.  It's time to start acting.  I've been told before "Planning is everything, but plans are nothing."  I have all these ideas shaping up and grand plans on how I'm going to reshape my life.  So I'm just jumping in and making deicions.  I'm officially signed up to go to Kenya.  I'll be there 10 days.  I'm taking two months off work to refresh and travel.  I'll have an apartment for one of them ... which is either going to be an amazing idea or a really stupid one.  Now I just need to find a place to live once I get there.  The apartment searching process is such a pain in the butt that I've considered living out of a suitcase.  I started sending out roommate feelers, and so far I've heard from a guy that lives in Egypt and a girl from Lebanon.  This is going to be so different than undergrad where I went to school in a corn field with a bunch of small town Indiana kids.  They actually had a take your tractor to school day.

I feel like I'm starting to rock my career choices, but I need to get everything else in line.  My dating ban is super boring, but I'm starting to eat really healthy and spend a LOT of time working out and running.  It's amazing how much this stretch of not dating has cleared my mind.  At the same time I'm dropping weight.  Fast.  For the first time since my skiing accident the weight on my drivers licence is not a lie.  I've set a vacation, chosen a school, picked a quit date, paused relationship land, and now I will focus on my body.  It's time to get skinny hot, not just skinny fat.  Dropping weight doesn't make you rock a bikini, I want definition.  I downloaded a body builder ten week tone plan and a bunch of inspirational workout routines.  None of which I have had the courage to start, but I think it's about time.  This weekend.

62 Miles Down 188 Miles To Go