If you don't want to be in the friends zone, ask for a date.

Sister Run Number 3.  Success.  We ran a mile and a half, but I convinced her to run an extra half mile once she was exhausted and ready to stop.  She can already talk and run ...

I've always talked to my sister about my dating life.  She's 11 years younger than me and still in high school, but her perspective is interesting to me.  About a month ago when I was at her surprise party, I told her I had reconnected with my ex.  Her friend said "Is that the one your whole family hates?"  What?!?! My whole family hated my ex ... The one I dated for four years, and I didn't know.  I don't know how much bigger of a red flag you can have.

So today when we ran, we talked about the guy I've seen a few times lately.  I told her about the couple baseball games we've gone to and out a few times, and she seems to think its a good idea to have fun and just see what happens.  I have noticed something happening that I'm not sure about.  Every time we've hung out after the first time, he's inviting me out with his friends.  I'm not sure how I feel about this, because I really like his friends, but it doesn't feel like a date.  It feels more like we're becoming friends that hang out.  I know guys always complain about "friends zone," but I think it's the dumbest complaint.  You're there because you didn't take me on a date, it's that simple.  To have a girlfriend you have to date her.  I keep going back and forth though, because I can't decide if I want to date or if I want to just be friends and hang out.

107 Miles Down 143 Miles To Go

Let the Guy be the Guy

I've finally started caving into advice my dad always tells me, "Stop being so stubborn and just let the guy be the guy."  I hate this advice.  I was raised "not to need anyone to support you financially" or "to support yourself" or "be strong and independent." But then I also get the advice "just let the guy be the guy" or "let him pay/take out the trash/insert male activity here that single girls do for themselves."

So ... What do you expect someone to do for you, and what do you just do for yourself?  I have two pretty great guys in my family, my dad and brother.  I remember when I was going through everything with my foot injury a few weeks ago, icing it, and eating anti-inflammatories like they were candies.  I was sick one night, and ended up staying with my dad and brother.  After a full day of work, a doctors visit, a trip to the pharmacy to get my prescriptions, and a reluctant trip to a "goodbye" happy hour, I got home to my dads house only to realize he had no unexpired pain killers in the entire house.  I was so exhausted and I just took a big sigh and collapsed in defeat onto the floor.  Five seconds later my brother was in the doorway in pajamas shoes and a jacket with keys in hand.  "What kind of pain killers do you need?  It's a five minute trip to the drug store."  It was Tuesday on a work night at 11:00 PM.

Last weekend I went to a baseball game with the guy I've seen recently a few times, and I noticed that he always opens the door for me.  Car door or building door.  I told one of my friends that he's done this and she said "Wow it's sad that this is something that is impressive now."  I feel like its not that common anymore to find people who have this built in "take care of you" attitude.

I feel like now that I'm separating myself from my most recent exboyfriend (of four years) and reconnecting with my college boyfriend (of two years), I'm getting a lot more clarity about why those relationships didn't work.  I'm not sure I'm in a place to jump into something, but I feel like I'm getting good at recognizing things that I like and knowing I don't have to deal with things that won't make me happy.  And that it's totally fine to move on from someone who I don't think will make me happy.

106 Miles Down 144 Miles To Go

Get Shit Done

Sister Run No. 2!  Two miles, she is improving faster than I did.  I think I stuck to one mile runs for at least two weeks.  I talked the entire time and she ... was more tolerant of me.

I know everyone always says "my sister is the best/smartest" insert whichever extreme adjective you'd like, but mine is.  When my parents got divorced we moved into separate houses, and I think that's part of the reason she's my best friend.  She is literally too smart for her own good.  She is one of those kids who is 8th in her class, and knows 1-7 personally.  One time I helped her make a Pi day t-shirt which was a play on rational and irrational numbers and one of her favorite books.  I asked her if people at school liked it and understood the reference to the book and she said "The people who read the books loved it, and I didn't bother explaining it to the people who said they saw the movie."

She's always had the drive to do whatever it is she wanted to do.  When she was little and our parents got divorced she decided she wasn't going to study.  Her grades started slipping and I thought ... how do I get her to study?  Naturally, I decided to bribe her.  I told her for every straight A report card she brought home I would buy her a new purse.  Eight purses later she was going into junior high, and I was slowly going broke.  I promised her a cruise if she got higher grades then me or straight A's in every class in junior high.  Two years later, we had a wonderful eight day cruise of the Western Caribbean   We went snorkeling, clear bottom kayaking, swimming on a private island, and to a fancy dinner every night.  When we were swimming, she said to me.  "I think I'm always going to study so that I can get a good job and go on trips like this all the time.  My cousins who didn't study don't get to do things like this, and I want to."  I had never been so happy.  It was $1,500 well spent.

So today when we were running, we started talking about our lifestyles and how exciting it is once you finally realize you can make your life into whatever you want it to be.  I was surprised when she said to me "I know mom and dad aren't really active, they just sit around and watch TV.  I don't want that kind of lifestyle.  I want to become a runner this summer, so make me go with you."  I wish I would have figured out that I had the power to change my life when I was 17.

100 Miles Down 150 Miles To Go

100 Calories a Day ?!

Today my run was fueled purely by competition.  Work has started a "fitness" competition where everyone wears pedometers.  I thought I would for sure blow everyone out of the water, I'm the only one who runs in my group.  I was sadly mistaken, they have kids.  I can live my whole day like them, go home, run three miles, and still move less than them!  What?!?!

I realized that on days I don't work out I walk roughly 1,500 steps.  That is less than one mile.  It is burning roughly 100 calories (two bite size pieces of candy) or less ... I had no idea I spent so much time sitting.  I can't wait until I'm not commuting anymore.  Hopefully when I stop spending three hours a day in the car, I'll be able to do something a little more active ... Anyways, today I ran purely to raise my steps total, and after three miles, it increased a few thousand.  I never realized how much effort you have to put into getting into shape until I decided I wanted to do it.

103 Miles Down 147 Miles To Go

Love Story

Today's run was miserable ... It's 90 degrees in Chicago and I'm still sunburned from the weekend.  This weekend one of my best best friends from college came in town, and we spent the weekend walking around and laying in the sun.  I'm not sure why laying around in the sun all weekend made it sooooooo tough to run three miles.  I guess sometimes sitting around relaxing is exhausting.

I also spent Friday night with one of my best best friends from high school.  Like one of the ones facebook is constantly suggesting I add to my "family" group.  He's been sooo close to me since high school, he's been at family holidays, and has been professionally moving me from apartment to apartment since I was 18.  He's a year older than me, and I usually go to him for "honest guy feedback."  Now ... He has instated a rule about his friends dating his friends: separation until marriage.  Unfortunately ... The guy I've been having third beers with is one of his friends.  So now I have to try to figure out boys without the help of one ...

I also quit my job this week ... **Mini dance**.  I have never been so happy.  People are usually sad and reminiscent of something that was a big part of their life, but I just want to cartwheel around the aisles and hug strangers.  I only have five weeks left of work!!

I realized this week that huge things are changing in my career, friends, family, etc, but for some reason I keep focusing on dating.  My dad always tells me that my priorities should be 1 God, 2 Family, 3 Work.  Reading back through everything that I've been thinking about, I guess I put "family" or dating much higher than work which surprised me because I'm single.  I like to think that God is still writing my story ... Sort of like we aren't in the final season of How I met your Mother yet ...

96 Miles Down 154 Miles To Go

If you want to run faster, then run faster.

I keep coming up with all these rules for dating "I'll not date."  "I'll never recycle." "I'm dating again but only first dates."  I think I'm coming up with all these restrictions instead of trying to figure out what went wrong.  It's easier to make up some excuse and form a new rule than to try to really figure out what is going on.

I've been talking to and seeing someone more that I've dated before (the one I went on a date with downtown ... and also the same guy I spent the night talking about running with).  I think I've just decided to start trusting my instincts and actually listening to them.  When I was with my ex for the past four years ... I noticed big red flags and just ignored them.  If I would have paid attention to them, I would have left him way before four years went by.  So I'm going to just stop making silly rules and try to find someone who is hot, funny, and crazy in bed (haha .. just kidding).  I'm going to spend time with people I like and stop spending people who don't make me feel good about myself.

So ... I went to a baseball game with the guy I had a third beer with.  I had a third beer again with him (on a weeknight) ... And ironically sat next to someone who was a track coach.  One thing led to another ... and we were on the topic of running.  He was telling us about how he gets his team to run faster.  He said as soon as they tell him they're tired, he makes them run another half mile or another mile.  "You can't get faster or run farther if you don't run faster or run farther."  I'm not sure why this hadn't sunk in before.  If I want to be happy, I need to just be happy.  Spend time with the people making me happy and doing the things that make me happy.

I'm seeing him again soon ... And I'm running the Chicago Color Run soon ... I'm so happy ...

92 Miles Down 158 Miles To Go

Is Your Life Fun?

Sister Run!  Today I ran with my little sister (my best friend who didn't get to pick).  Before I talk about that, I want to talk about something that's been on my mind.  Last week when I met my college ex for dinner, he was going on and on about work and school and projects and such.  No mention of friends, bars, weekend plans ... and I realized he works all the time.  He was talking so much about work, that I interrupted him and said "Do you think your life is fun? Are you happy?" I admit it was a little blunt, but he looked at me like I had three eyes.  Why do people (myself included...) spend so much time on things that don't really make us happy.  It's crazy how caught up in life and priorities shift from fun and enjoying life to work and money.  I hope my life is never not fun.  I've recently learned ... that if I don't like things ... I can just change them.  Sounds so simple, but it's so easy to get distracted.

Mental Health Monday was one of the best ideas I've ever had.  I did everything that I wanted to do.  I slept in, read a book, went to lunch and dinner with a friend, I napped.  I love waking up and doing whatever I want and getting paid for it.

So my sister asked me to run with her, and I was so excited.  I've been trying to get her to run with me forever.  We only lasted one mile, and we ran a nine minute pace, and I'm pretty sure she'll never go with me again because I talked literally the entire time, but it was awesome.  Since my parents got divorced we haven't lived in the same house, but we still hang out every chance we get.  I'm currently in the process of convincing her to go to college at Indiana University (my school), so I can visit her there all the time.  She took a personality test that matched her to a university, and she had a 100% match to IU.  I almost drove off the road when I shot my hands into the air out of excitement when she told me.

So after one mile, my sister was dead tired  and I realized I can't run and talk so I was also dead tired.  And I decided that I will control my happiness from now on.  I'm going to spend more time doing the things I enjoy, like running and seeing my family.  I'm not going to do anything drastic, I'm just going to eat a piece of fruit instead of a bag of chips and I'm going to run outside at night instead of sit on my computer for a couple more hours.  (Despite what I am obviously doing right now ...)  I'm going to consciously make my life into what I want it to be.

88 Miles Down 192 Miles To Go

Timing and Manatees

Today I was so frustrated thinking about this whole Recycling business, that I went to bikram yoga again.  90 minutes of stretching, thinking, trying to breathe, and this time just trying not to pass out and faceplant.  I've decided to revise my theory on recycling.  I do think that sometimes the relationship is right, but the timing is not.  I believe that can happen.  But I think recycling is dangerous, because people expect the other person to change.  And I really believe that they won't.  Seeing my ex from college again made me realize how much I missed having that crazy spark and can't-be-without-you feeling.  But I know that's not all there is to a marriage.  I've been told before you need to agree on three things to have a good relationship: Money, Sex and Kids.  People who get divorced always have one two or all of those things at the center of it.  So ... I think that recycling is only a bad idea if you think the other person will change. If you have learned to accept each other the way you are, and are happy with that it's not such a bad thing.  Maybe sometimes people need time to grow up before they realize what they really want.  After spending four years with someone who was indefinitely indecisive, my stomach twists into knots when I hear someone say "maybe."  I didn't realize that I wanted someone who was going to be so forward until I got so frustrated with the opposite.

So now, he's invited me to visit him in Florida.  I can't decide if it's a good idea or not.  While it feels so good to reconnect with someone who knew me so well, I don't want to forget about all the things that I haven't missed.  I also don't want to start falling for someone living in Florida, when I'm on my way to Boston.  I'm trying to be cautious and not over think it.  I just want to go have fun, but not do anything stupid by going.  Somehow naturally all these old feelings sort of start to come back to you, but I'm not sure if its something to ignore or something to pay attention to yet.  

I may go though ... because I really really really want to swim with manatees, which is right by his house... And I think Florida would be a fun sunny vacation ...

87 Miles Down 193 Miles To Go

2 Bikram Yogas

Recycling is Bad?

Since I've stopped eating vegan, runs have been so much tougher.  I didn't realized how much what you eat affects how you feel and performance.  I have decided to do my best to stop buying non vegan food, and keep those vegan meals around!  Needless to say, today was a rough three miles and I had a lot to think about.

I had dinner with an ex last night.  (Not the most recent one, but one from college).  He is in town for work and wanted to get dinner and catch up.  We dated for two years in college, and I loved that kid.  He was an a$$, but I didn't care.  I'm not sure why girls let this happen ... but we date the a$$hole as long as he pampers us.  It's funny how when you become single, ex's resurface that you haven't seen or heard from in years.  And this one is probably the only one I really loved.  We spent 24/7 together, basically lived together, and were even joking about who would be in our wedding party.  Then he got accepted to school in London, and the timing was just not right.  Six years later (now) he reappeared out of the blue in my city for dinner, and it was actually pretty good to see him after all that time.

After one good "catching up" dinner, he wanted to meet up again before he left to go home to Florida.  I know these are not "dates" but it's really hard to have dinner with someone you've only ever dated and never been just friends with.  Now all I can think about is what I like to call recycling.  (Dating the ex.)  I was such a mess after we broke up, that I swore him off.  I had such a good time seeing him again though, that I want to make sure I've sworn him off for the right reasons.  I'm already seeing big red flags that dating again would be a catastrophe.  For starters ... He lives in Florida.  His sister does his laundry.  He works late every night and on Saturdays.  I know people grow up and things about them change change, but one thing I learned from my previous ex is no one really changes.  I'm going to keep this all in my mind when I see him tomorrow.  I feel old now that dating has changed from "he's nice and buying me a drink" to asking questions like "Is he a workaholic?" "Will I still like him in 10 years?" "Is he going to pay enough attention to me and spoil me the way I want to be?"  "Does he want kids?"  Those aren't exactly conversation starters ...

87 Miles Down 193 Miles To Go