Saturday, August 24, 2013

Living and Shit

I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed from my first week of school, that I picked my extreme for of exercise for this morning, hot yoga.  I love the feeling of really progressing in a pose that I have been struggling with for years.  I just needed to be in a room where I didn't need to talk to anyone, and I could focus on improving my own practice.  I also ... had no real plans for the day when I headed into class.

Today I kept thinking about the last few times I've done yoga.  When I realized my most recent ex was moving to Ohio.  I couldn't hear his name without feeling punched in the face.  I feel so indifferent about him now.  It's almost like the four years didn't happen.  I remember doing hot yoga in Ft. Lauderdale with my ex from college who I really thought I was going to marry.  I was escaping the pressure I felt from him with him on the mat next to me.  Who does that ...

It all seems so incredibly long ago.  Before I left Chicago, I had a conversation with the Florida ex.  I told him that I had an amazing weekend catching up with him, but there were some things I'd realized about me since we broke up.  I don't want to fight with anyone anymore.  And I don't want to be told no.  I know that to enjoy the weekend, I needed to do the things he wanted which is ok with me.  However ... I really don't think I'd be happy dating someone like that anymore.  I want to do things we both want to do.  I need someone who is open to my crazy ideas like snorkling or paddle boarding.  Just because I'd like to try new things.  When Ft. Lauderdale ex and I broke up, my good friend said.  "You can get back together with him if you want, but he's not making you as happy as you could be.  All the crazy adventurous things about you he doesn't support, and they are atrophying.  So you can be with him and I'm sure it would be fine, but I think you can be happier with someone else."

It's funny how the world seems to end after a break up, and now I can't connect to those old worlds at all.

When I left yoga, I had texts from three new friends asking me to get together.



179 Miles Down 136 Miles To Go
6 Bikram Yogas


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