Little by Little

Today was an interesting run.  I hated things a lot less, but I did something really stupid.  I accidentally ran my regular route backwards.  I got distracted because the girl running in front of me was going really fast and had long hair.  I had a momentary burst of hair envy.  And then I noticed I missed my regular turn and I was way out of breath from running too fast.  I figured it was no big deal I'd just switch it up.  On my way back up the lake ... I found myself running in a constant wind tunnel.  For a mile and a half, which may not seem like a long time, but try not breathing for 15 minutes.  Now do it while you work out.  I tried not to say this this year, but sometimes change is bad.  At least this one was poorly timed, but I got a wonderful picture of my running path or should I say my wind tunnel.

I also realized that while I was being angry about a change (running my route backwards) I was still accomplishing a huge milestone.  I've run two marathons now.  Not nonstop, but still I've done it.  In two months.  I am running a marathon a month.  If I keep this pace up, I will be running 314.4 Miles in one year. That kills my goal.  I could also run ten marathons, 262 Miles in one year.  Either way ... I am going to do more than 250 if I keep it up, provided I have this much time in graduate school.  (Reality sinking in ...).  I'm also changing pieces of my life like crazy.  I talked to a friend about my ex, let's call him Maybe (which was pretty much the only answer I ever got from him), and disclosed that I was antsy knowing this was his last week in Chicago.  She said rather bluntly, "That's because now you know it will never happen again."  I equally hate and love her, because she knows me inside and out.  And she's right, it's over.  No "maybe" one day, no "maybe" things will change, no "maybe" we'll find a way back to each other.  And that's probably my own little personal wind tunnel, because I hate "maybe" and that is not the relationship I want to be in.

Even though I found myself in a wind tunnel, and I'm running my "marathons" in little pieces, all the things I'm doing are adding up.  My weight is dropping, I'm eating healthier and feeling better, I haven't seen my ex and soon he'll be gone, I'm leaving my job to take on an MBA, and I'm finally a real runner.  I'm already happier, and my life hasn't changed that much since I started.  I'm just more okay with it now.

56 Miles Down 194 Miles To Go