I've Had Ten Years

I'm closing the year with a solid four mile run.  All around the royal front yard of the Copenhagen royal families summer house.  I never pictured myself on vacation, running.  In circles.  A series of right turns ... for about an hour.  But I did it!

My friend and I were talking about dating and how everyone is jumping right into relationships and marriages so fast now.  It seems like I turn around and people are dating, then married, then have kids and a house.  I never understood how your life could change this much in a year ... sometimes two.  But I know that I want all those things, so why freak out about the timeline?  She said "I've had ten years to do whatever the fuck I want to do."  Which ... is so true.  I've moved across the country, been running around on crazy vacations skydiving (Hawaii) and walking up waterfalls (Jamaica).  Sometimes I get bummed that I am missing out on the "double income no kids" piece of life, but I'm not sure it really matters.  I've already started wanting to wait to visit certain places, because it'd be more fun in a relationship than with friends.  Maybe it wouldn't be that terrible?

260 Miles Down 55 Miles to Go

Drink a waterbottle, we're going running

Holy crap, I'm in Copenhagen!!  Spontaneous vacation, and I am working out while I am on said spontaneous vacation.  I went on a vacation with a classmate and her friend ... professional runners.  They run 40 miles a week, which makes my 26 a month look laughable.  We landed in Copenhagen after a wonderful eight hour flight, and my friend looked at me in all seriousness and said, "Chug a waterbottle, we're going running!"  She's crazy.  And turns out she was also right.  I ran three miles with them at a 9 minute pace, something I haven't done post accident.  It was actually not that bad, running through the streets of a foreign country where I barely spoke the language.

I don't know if it was the new country or the crazy fast pace (not really) that I was trying to keep up with, but I was so happy.  We just kept looking at each other yelling "We're in Copenhagen!!!".  Despite the fact that I booked the hotel we were staying at the night before from my dads couch in Chicago, I feel like the trip was going to be a good trip.  We had done little to no planning, and we were playing most decisions by ear, but running around this crazy place I didn't really seem to care.  I was so happy that I wasn't sitting in a classroom staring at a professor who may as well have been speaking Spanish.

I started thinking as I was trying not to get hit by a bike or a car or a pedestrian that thought it was appropriate to use their stroller as a means to get in front of me, and I couldn't shake the idea that I use to love my traveling job.  I didn't love my job, turns out I think IT is relatively boring.  But I did love traveling.  I loved being dropped somewhere new and then mastering it.  Constant change is so hard to find, but it is literally everywhere.

256 Miles Down 59 Miles to Go

Mile 250

After forcing my dad to the gym two days in a row, he was a trooper, today I ran outside around the town I grew up in.  I had been telling him it was too cold (below freezing) to run outside, and that I didn't have the proper gear to run in.  So today I ran in the new nike windproof hoodie he bought me for outdoor winter running.  I'm not sure if he was being thoughtful getting me something I wanted, or if he was tired of the meathead gym.  Something about running around a place with so many memories made me think about how far I've come from the last time I ran this route.  I remember running with my friend who was prepping for the marines (not the marine I dated).  Talking about how I was going to quit my job, about how I wanted to go back to school and move away for the first time.  I could barely get through the whole run without feeling like I was dying.  He was talking about rifles and survival skills and I was talking about student loans and Boston seafood.

I remember this stupid hill that I couldn't get up, and today I realized it's right at the beginning of my fourth mile.  I ran through it in the snow like it was no big deal.  I completely forgot about it.  Hopefully this stupid hill is kind of like my annoyance with being single around the holidays, and next year I won't mind or I won't be single anymore.  My marine friend who I was running with just bought a house, and is getting married in Ireland in a few months.

After I got back from my run, I realized that I beat my original goal today.  I ran 250 miles in less than one year.  Bring on the next 65.

253 Miles Down 62 Miles to Go

The Worst Day of The Year

Today is the worst day of the year.  It's 365 more days until Christmas comes again.  I always hate today. So much that I want to change this when I have my own family.  It's frustrating how on holidays families get pulled between a million different houses, or maybe this is just a divorce kid problem.  Anyways, I want to have my family celebrate the holiday the day after just us.  It'll be our own holiday that we can always have, and never overlap with another family party.  Then maybe I will love today :)

I forced myself on another four mile run, because I realize that after a year of crazy hard work ... I may not make my goal.  I may fall behind because I got overwhelmed with work in graduate school and didn't put in the time.  I stood between my dad and the TV again until he caved and took me to the gym.  I told him it was too cold outside for me to run, so I needed him to take me to the gym as his guest.  Which was true, but I also know he feels better when he comes home from working out.  Successful use of peer pressure :)

This year I spent Christmas running from my dads girlfriends house to my brothers girlfriends, and I started wondering if I really wanted to be in a relationship.  Yes, it's a lot of fun to buy yourself fun presents, but it's also a lot of fun to buy them for someone else!  (And get them of course ...)  I've had such a focus on school and job searching that I've really not dated anyone (except dimples) since I got here.  I think this is the first Christmas since high school that I wasn't in a relationship or missing someone I use to be dating.  I think my problem is that I've been pretty bad in the past of "picking" who to date.  I dated someone who was an emotional roller coaster, then moved on to someone who was so flat lined and noncommittal we didn't fight ever in the four years we dated.  Not sure if this is good or bad, but I'm going to eat a ton of food tonight and just have fun with my family.  I'll be leaving them soon for a bobsled race anyways!!

249 Miles Down 66 Miles to Go

Stranger on a Plane

Today I had a moment of panic.  I am not going to finish my goal.  I have 70 miles left and four weeks.  I am in over my head.  I am also sitting on the couch.  So I got up and got to it.  For four miles today, on Christmas.  I wedged myself in between my dad and the TV until he caved and took me to the gym.

Just when I decide "no more dating" I meet a random guy on the plane that I really click with.  He is of course awesome, and totally undatable.  He lives in San Antonio.  I ended up on a plane going from Boston to Charlotte and then to Chicago.  He was going from San Antonio to Charlotte to Chicago.  We spent the entire two and a half hour flight talking, all the important topics: foodie things, traveling, camping/hiking/running, dating, working from home, making friends in new places.  (I don't camp/hike, but he did).  I haven't had a good conversation like that with someone in so long.  At the end of the flight he asked me if I wanted to keep in touch, and we ended up getting coffee and walking around Chicago a few days later.  He called me.  Like actually on the phone.  I'm always saying I hate technology, no one is personal anymore, and then he called me and I was freaked out.  I'm not sure why, but it makes you super awkward. I had a good time with him again, and we even joked about him coming to Copenhagen with me.  He didn't have a passport with him, and he kept joking he'll never travel domestically without a passport again.

Life is funny.  It was a great date.  Who knows how it will play out ...

Merry Christmas, I got my grades!  I give up.  Well ... I don't give up, but I'm changing my focus drastically.  It is insane how much time I need to put into studying to get A's.  The first quarter of school, I studied all day every day.  And, I got 2 B's and 1 A.  Second quarter, I studied barely ever.  I didn't even open one of the books I purchased, and I got the same grades.  Being the super smart graduate student that I am, I've realized that I can scale back on the intense studying I was doing and focus on getting a job that I want to have.  

245 Miles Down 70 Miles to Go

Bobsleds

Lately I've been doing what could be dumb things.  I've been talking to my exboyfriends.  I'm not sure why, but around the holidays, I always think about what I was doing on past holidays, and then I start thinking about guys I've been serious about, and then I start wondering what they are up to.  And then I'm considering recycling again.  I'm trying to stay distracted with working out and school and try not to focus on guys I've already dated.

I also did something extremely exciting ... I had a pair of boots (Patagonia) give out on me ... and I brought them in and exchanged them for a brand new pair of $180 boots, for free!  This is not the exciting part, the exciting part is that I had to do this because I just booked a trip to Copenhagen for new years and then to Winterland Germany for a bobsled race.  What am I doing?!  I should have been studying for final exams, but instead I found this to be a much more pressing issue.  One of my friends was talking about a trip to Europe, and my ears perked up.  "Want to go to Germany and see a bobsled race?"  My impulsive reaction was, "Can we go somewhere else too first?"  And now I'm prepping to visit Copenhagen and Winterland in the middle of winter.

241 Miles Down 74 Miles to Go

MPH in the Long Run

I've been accepted into the Masters in Public Health program.  I can't decide if it's good or bad.  I think I'm applying to diversify myself further than an MBA in health care already would.  I'm not sure that's even necessary?  I don't know what to think.  I talked to my favorite Operations teacher, and she gave me some pretty good advice.  She said if I want the career I've been talking to her about, then it probably won't be necessary.  However, if I want to diversify myself and one day move into health policy, then this would be a good choice.  I think I'm trying to get out of the Business School ... and not necessarily focusing on what I want to do next with my career.  I also found out ... my scholarship may be at risk.  Some other students who chose dual degrees ended up losing their whole scholarship or part of it.  It started to seem like a more expensive option that wouldn't necessarily add much more to what I'm already doing.  So I'm turning down the offer.

As soon as I decided that I would turn down the offer, the admissions office started calling me and emailing me.  It's like they knew!  They wanted to set up my first classes, and I was still super unsure.  I think this is the first time I've started turning things down.  I feel like I always get pulled between one thing and the next in life (dating, jobs, social plans...), and I usually take the next offer that is good.  Not this time!  I'm setting my sights on the long run with big decisions.

239 Miles Down 76 Miles to Go

Closing Recovery and Patience, Opening Fun and Adventure

I love the holidays.  There's nothing that makes me soooo happy and sooo incredibly frustrated simultaneously.  I survived Thanksgiving dinner without eating meat.  I thought being "vegetarian" (flexitarian, pescatarian whatever fancy label I fall under while I'm trying to be healthy) would be tricky, but Thanksgiving sides are amazing.  And I took a poll and realized that most people don't even like Thanksgiving turkey.  Anyways, I ate so much I needed to get my but in motion.  Once I stood between my dad and the TV long enough I was able to convince him to take me to the gym, and I had an amazing treadmill run at my old meathead gym.

I finally feel like I live in Boston, I came home and everything was pretty much the same, but everything was so different.  My brother and his girlfriend moved in together.  They're starting to make the suburbs look not so scary.  Their problems are actually hilarious.  My brother moved in with a bed frame and six gaming systems, and she moved in with 1,000 boxes.  My favorite addition of hers is her five Christmas trees.  My brother's rule for her is "One in, two out."

One running annoyance snuck up on me that I thought for sure I was done with... Shin splints.  How did they find me?!  I haven't had them in months.  The last three runs, I've been basically running through them trying not to notice they were happening.  And then it hit me, I need new shoes!!  I've run out a pair of shoes.  I know this is cheesy, but I was thinking about how far I've come in these shoes.  I was bored, broke, and lonely.  Now I'm anything but bored, still broke (but on my way to making money!!), and being lonely sometimes doesn't bother me anymore.  Now I get to buy new shoes, and see where these next ones take me.  For my next pair of shoes, I want to focus on fun and adventure.  I'm closing the chapter on recovery and patience.

236 Miles To Go 79 Miles To Go

Holiday Morning Runs

Well today's run was a strange one.  There's nothing like going back to the suburbs to realize that you didn't grow up follow the suburban triangle and end up living in the suburbs.  We have a 5K that is around the town I grew up in, and I ran it with my best friend from high school and her family.  (My sister was working, and I couldn't convince anyone else in my family that an 8:00 am run the day of Thanksgiving was better than sleeping in.)

My race today was sandwiched with awkward situations.  So I got to the race, went to pick up my race shirt, and my exboyfriend from high school's mom is handing them out.  I thought she might not notice me, so I spelled my name really quickly ... She looked up from her computer slowly and said "Oh I know you!" Excellent.  "Are you running this morning with anyone or did you come alone?"  Who asks that ... I just took my small bib and went back to the group I was with.  I forgot how different the suburbs were, I've been spoiled living downtown big cities for the past six year.

After the race, as I'm running to my car with a handful of baby cinnamon rolls, a coffee, and frozen water bottle, I run into the marine's sister.  (It's funny how people run a 5K, then they grab so many snacks at the end it's like they've never eaten before.  We burned maybe 300 calories, which is one bagel.  Anyways there I was with my handful of baby cinnamon rolls...)  I was so excited to see her I didn't see his whole family arrive behind her.  His mom hugged me, "How's Boston?!?!" "Have you been to DC to visit my son?!?!"  Eeeekkkk..... I guess he didn't tell her.

Sometimes it's a bit of a bummer to be single on the holidays, but the pluses are pretty sweet too.  I bought myself some great Christmas presents.  I think maybe I'll go on a trip somewhere ... Do something crazy.

232 Miles Down 83 Miles To Go

Eventually.

Ugh ... I'm injured again.  I've been so busy with things like Finance, Operations, and Marketing that I haven't run in a while.  And today I got the worst shin splints.  I could barely get through today's run.  I was literally in pain the whole time ... and finally I realized, I need new shoes.  I've run the maximum number of miles for a pair of running shoes.  I have never done this before.  All I could think about today is what a pain in the ass milestone this is.
 
That and I'm going home for the holidays soon.  I love and hate going home.  It's always refreshing to go home, but I'm in such a different place than most of my friends that sometimes it's kind of a bummer.  Recently I even got a text from a friend that says "Life update, I'm getting married in a few months in Ireland.  Please join us if you can.  Also, I bought a house."  He got engaged about a month ago.  Once you get into your late 20's early 30's it seems like everything happens lightning fast for everyone in the dating world.  They meet someone fall in love immediately or are done immediately and move on.  The stories of how people meet are getting more and more ridiculous too.  I have a friend who met someone crossing the street ... months later they are still talking.  My friend who is getting married in Ireland, blew out his knee in the military, came home and reconnected with an old girlfriend.  Whenever I hear stories like this, I wonder if I'll reconnect with an ex sometime ... Maybe the one who lives in Florida or the one who lives in Ohio.  (I think all the rest are married ... I'm not that into married men).  I feel like I need to do something drastic to meet someone ... like move across the country or go skydiving again.  Maybe I'll fall in love with my instructor.  Anyways ... This weekend I'll be going home to my dads house to watch history movies with him.

229 Miles Down 86 Miles To Go

He Doesn't Know He Doesn't Like Me

It's freezing out, and I wimped out and went to the gym.  The good old college gym. Much different than the macho muscle meat heads I'm use to working out with.  Here it's stretchy yoga pants, make up, and girls pretending to stretch while they bend over a knee and text.  Someone actually had her hair down while she was on a rowing machine.  Even the guys are pretty funny.  They lift one rep and wander to the drinking fountain.  Stand in front of the TV for a while and wander over to another machine.  I assume this is what it is like to work out hungover.

I've had a realization about dimples that I can't seem to let go of.  I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me, but he doesn't realize he doesn't like me.  That sounds very confusing, but it is actually very simple.  He would make these little comments, "Your place is kinda messy." After he'd come over and I didn't realize he was coming. He found a pair of jeans in my bathroom and said, "Oh you have pants on the floor.  Interesting."  I made a comment about not even having time to buy a bed skirt and he said, "Yeah I noticed."  So ... I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to date someone like me, I'm just not sure he realizes it because he keeps wanting to see me. There are some other odd things that have been happening, he seemed to share quite a bit of personal information with me.  Things I'm not sure I should know even if we were very close.  And there was a little bit of a red flag that he didn't have the best money handling skills.  Is that what dating is now?  If I think you may have a bad credit score, then I'm out?

I just don't want to ignore red flags again, and I don't want to spend time dating someone who I think will want to try to change me.  So ... I decided to do the mature thing and cancel Ikea furniture date and just be busy.  Honestly, I was actually very busy, but it was easier to tell him I was busy than to tell him that I think he doesn't like me and he's been kinda rude.

As soon as I told my dad this, he sent me this link.  He's talking about how texting has changed dating.  How you avoid situations where one person likes the other and we no longer have to have that awkward conversation. He thinks "You just pretend to be busy forever.  Why risk someone's feelings where you can create an alternate reality where scheduling is the problem."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UiLaukbxQMs

228 Miles Down 87 Miles To Go

Why Nothing Gets Done

I got my grades back.  Handled that like an adult.  My friend and I got the email.  Closed our computers.  Left the business school.  Immediately ordered two stiff dirty martini's.  It seems like our grades were determined somewhat arbitrarily.  I keep trying to remember, that they don't matter.  And failing in graduate school means getting a B-.  I came here to get health care background and to learn more about hospitals in the area.  As long as I don't fail out, or lose my scholarship I think I am ok.  I'm not use to getting any B's, so I hate it.  Next module, I will just decide to prepare for every exam, and put the social and career exploration second.  Hopefully eventually I'll have more time for those things.

I also made a huge decision, I applied to get a Masters in Public Health.  I'm not really sure why, I made an impulse decision.  I can get my MBA and my MPH in two years for the same price.  I'm not 100% sure I'll need it with my career goals, but I would really like to be in a less competitive and more organized environment.

However, I feel like I've finally discovered the reason I went to grad school: My Ops Professor.  She's amazing.  She use to be a nurse practitioner in a hospital.  She got frustrated that she couldn't make process improvements to the way things were done, so she went back to school.  She focused on operations management and when she graduated she went into hospital consulting.  Her professor said to her one day, "You're so smart.  Why do you want to go into operations?  All the smart people go into strategy."  She laughed and said, "That's why nothing ever gets done."  I love her.  I went to meet with her, and after 45 minutes of talking with her, she just bluntly said, "What is your dream job, and how can I help you get it?"  She does hospital consulting for the hospitals in the area FOR FREE.  She feels bad charging them for identifying changes she thinks are so obvious.  She's putting me in touch with people in Boston, and I'm meeting them for coffee.

So now ... I need to really think about what I want to do next year.

224 Miles Down 91 Miles To Go

Ikea Furniture Date

I've located dimples for sure.  He walked me home last weekend and texted me to let me know "Stay away from the potato chips.  You're welcome."  He's a second year in my program, which already seems a little bit risky.  He's really nice and has been walking me home from school, which is about 30 minutes out of the way for him.  He finally walked me home, and after four other walks, he kissed me before he left.  I should be really excited, he cooks, he's older, he's funny, he loves dogs ... he's been going out of his way to be so nice but ... I'm not sure how I feel about him.  It came up when he was over, I'm not really sure how, that he doesn't want kids.  It was dropped so casual in conversation, I can't tell if he was even serious about it or joking.  So .. now what?

It's not exactly a first month of hanging out with someone question: "Hey ... I know you mentioned before you didn't want kids.  Are you serious?  Because if you are ... I'm not sure this is going to work."  I think I'll try to maybe casually drop it into conversation again and judge his level of freak out.  I don't want to have a baby tomorrow, but if someone doesn't want any at all... I just don't have enough free time to spend dating them.  Dating as an adult is so different, as soon as I find out there is something I'm not willing to compromise, I can't make myself keep dating them.  He did offer to take me out to dinner for my birthday, and help me build the Ikea furniture I ordered two months ago when I moved in.  (I'm convinced Ikea furniture was designed to make girls need boys.)

Ikea Furniture Perspective

220 Miles Down 95 Miles To Go

Distractions

I'm 28!! First run as a 28 year old: check.

I've taken some time off running ... not on purpose, but because if I didn't stop running I'd have to stop sleeping, eating, or showering.  I can not believe how time consuming school has become.  I'm done with final exams, FINALLY, and I've already finished my first three classes of grad school.  I'm not sure how people with no business background are able to pass these exams, I've taken these classes before, and it was a lot of work for me.  I feel like school hasn't fully taken into consideration the fact that we are supposed to be looking for jobs.  We have 18 hours of class a week ... and 2-3 hours of homework for every hour in class.  Which means, I am studying roughly 60 hours on the short end.  So I've decided how to deal with this ... I just stopped studying for some things.  But I'm finding a direct correlation between studying and passing exams.  Whenever I study, I get an A.  Otherwise, I barely pass.  So now I'm just trying to balance all this and learn about hospitals and make new friends and get a beer every so often and I have barely had any time to think about having a relationship!

I didn't dimples again this weekend, but I did figure out his name.  This could be a distraction ... I think I need to decide if it's a distraction that I want.

216 Miles Down 99 Miles to Go

Potato Chips in My Bed

Today, I did my laundry to find work out clothes in the bottom.  I had one of those moments where I forgot that I owned the clothes in the bottom of the pile.  I'm not sure which is more embarrassing ... a. that its been that long since I've done laundry or b. that it's been so long I don't remember what my workout clothes look like.

I'm currently in the middle of my first round of final exams!  I've also recently decided to apply for another graduate degree, I must be crazy.  I'm applying for a dual degree of a MPH/MBA.  I can get my masters in public health, which leads directly into the hospital health care industry along with my MBA.  It's like a perfect marriage of what I want in my career.  I'm finally starting to feel like all this preparation is putting me on a track that will lead where I want to go.  As long as I can submit the application during finals ... and my application comes out in coherent sentences, which has been a struggle for me ...

I've also met someone here.  (I think).  I'm fully embracing college life, and we had a boat cruise with our whole class a few weekends back.  A bunch of us got together to drink a little before we went on the cruise, and ended up somehow having roughly 5 drinks each (??).  I remember the night being so so so much fun ... but I also remember when we got on the boat, one of my friends got a bottle of vodka taken away and another one walked onto the boat and immediately broke a wine glass.  A great night that ended somehow with me spending quite some time talking to a cute stranger who cabbed me home.  I woke up with a few text messages "Where did you go??" and a bag of potato chips in my bed.  So this sends me on a while goose chase to find a guy who: has incredible dimples and that's about all I remember.

I feel like in undergrad it's totally acceptable to laugh about how little you remember about the night before, but as a 27 year old it's a little strange to need someone to fill in holes about your night.  I found him at a bar a week later (when I walked in and all his friends pointed at me yelling "Heyyyyy!!!!!" ... none of which I recognized.).  We sat and talked for a few hours and he walked me home.  I feel like the east coast is a little "rougher?" "argumentative?" than the midwest, so I was really surprised when he walked me home and texted me later to say "Glad you made it home safe.  Stay away from the potato chips."

It's a nice distraction from all the studying and cramming of information I've been doing ...

212 Miles Down 103 Miles To Go

Yoga Pants

There is something odd happening on campus.  It was happening when I was at home so it shouldn’t surprise me, but for some reason I didn’t think it would be the same here.  Everyone in my class is married.  Or engaged.  Or in a long term relationship.  I’m not sure why, but I thought people going back to school would be more single and unattached but it’s a lot more of a mix than I anticipated.  After class one day this week we all went to the bar (at 3:30…) and I realized I was standing in a circle of five very attractive guys … two married, one engaged, and the other two … Have equally attractive boyfriends.  I am pretty sure dating someone in my class would be a disaster since we have all of the same classes for two years … and I can only imagine the awkward situations that kind of a breakup would put me in.

I was complaining to one of my friends before I went out for this run and told him:

Me: “I thought I was going to meet someone in grad school … They’re all married or gay!”

Him: “Study then!”

Me: “I’m just going to go running around Harvard’s campus and see what happens.”

Him: “Wear your yoga pants.”

208 Miles Down 107 Miles To Go

Balancing Alcohol and Friends

I love love school.  I'm starting to feel like a bit of an alcoholic though.  The stress level is so incredibly high, that people are basically sprinting to the bar next door as soon as class is over.  I didn't realize school was going to be like this.  Sometimes I feel like I'm not really learning, like I'm just memorizing things to get through the next exam and hoping they'll pick that material to test me with.  It's insane, I'll learn three subjects in seven weeks.  Rapid fire.  I've just started picking things that I won't do ... and hoping for the best ... I think I'm supposed to focus on my career also at some point ... Right now, this is on the back burner.

I started missing non-alcoholic bonding.  So much that I realized, I can have it if I plan it.  So I invited some friends over and had a nice dinner and couple bottles of wine.  I thought I'd have 3-4 girls over, but I ended up with so many people saying yes that I had to go buy more wine glasses!  It's not completely non-alcoholic, but it was nice to change the scenery from the bar down the corner.  It's weird to think that I didn't know anyone I am friends with now two months ago, and now we spend 24/7 together.  There's no better way to make you feel like an adult than to have a "dinner party."  I even had wine glass charms ... Not completely grown up though, they were mustaches.

It's also a little bit weird to have a group of girl friends to hang out with.  I've always had one or two best friends, and sometimes girls can be so overwhelming that I'm surprised I had such a good time with everyone.  I am sort of starting to miss guy friends though ... And it's so weird to become guy friends with guys who are married.  You can't hang out with them the same you can guys who are single.  I really miss having guys to hang out with and joke around with.  So much more easy going, and flirty fun.  I feel like I'm just finding balances between lots of things now.  Career and school.  Alcohol and non alcohol bonding.  Girl friends and guy friends.

204 Miles Down 111 Miles To Go

Pescatarians and Flexitarians

I woke up this morning dreaming of regression lines.  My mind is literally spinning from everything I have learned.  I have been here two weeks ... and I am taking midterms.  I don't know how people who didn't go to business school can keep up with this amount of work.  I have only had three classes and we've plowed through half of each book.  I don't even have my things from Chicago here yet!

I've also decided to make another big life change.  No meat in my fridge.  I would be eating vegetarian, but I have just moved to a place where seafood is unbelievable and I can not pass up a bowl of clam chowder.  It will be the reason I leave with a muffin top.  It's been about six months since I regularly ate meat, and honestly I can not believe how much better I feel.  It's such a huge difference that when I have the option to eat it now I don't want any because I know it's going to make me feel bogged down and sluggish.  Interesting how my week of vegan life made me give up meat alltogether.  I found it helpful though ... not to tell anyone I was vegetarian because I always have this conversation:

Stranger: "You're vegetarian! But you eat fish"

Me: "Well I like fish, so I eat that.  I just don't eat meat a lot anymore."

Stranger: "You're pescatarian?"

Me: "WTF is that."

Stranger: "Oh you must be a flexaterian."

Whyyyyy must we label everything.  I just want to do what I want when I want to do it.  Although, with midterms happening this week, I have barely been remembering to eat at all...

200 Miles Down 115 Miles To Go

What's in the fridge?

I usually never write about a one mile run anymore ... In fact, I haven't run one since February (eight months ago) when I started this little personal challenge.  Today though, I really needed this.  I have midterms next week.  I've heard rumors and stories about how people go to graduate school, get swept up in the sea of classes and networking and emerge two years later.  Knowing several friends that have done this, I have always been annoyed with it.

I have sent several apologetic text messages this week.  This morning I opened my fridge and stared at it for 10 minutes.  Literally stared at it.  It was 6:45 am, and I was staring at my fridge unsure of what I was doing there.  How many possible things could one be doing at 6:45 am in front of a fridge?  So today, I ran to yoga, I did an intense workout, and I biked home.  My legs are jelly, and my brain is mush, but people keep telling me I'm learning things.

196 Miles Down 119 Miles To Go

My Daughter Lives in Boston

Another four miles, and it's starting to feel like nothing.  Someone told me recently, "You never really get mad ... What is your outlet?"  Sometimes ... It's chips, but mostly now it's running.  I've even started getting a lot of compliments on my legs, which is weird but appreciated.

I had a weird thing happen to me today.  My dad was telling me a story ... as he frequently does ... He wore his "Boston Red Sox" hat at work on a Friday.  Someone came up to him and started hassling him because he's supposed to be a Chicago Cubs fan.  Telling him he shouldn't be wearing that hat unless he had been to Boston and sat in the big green monster of Fenway Park.  He looked at the guy and said, "My daughter lives in Boston.  She took me to Fenway, where I bought this hat."

Holy *&^%.  I live in Boston.  It doesn't feel drastically different than Chicago.  Sometimes I honestly can't even believe I live here.  I haven't even been here a month yet ... I saw an email on my phone today from Pepsi.  Asking me to apply to a job in the suburbs of Chicago.  I realized that if I hadn't changed my life from the path it was on ... I could be working for a company in the suburbs with a boyfriend I didn't really want to be with.  I'm so happy I changed my whole life, as hard as it was it is worth it.  Because today I am living in Boston, getting an MBA, and making more friends than I did in the two years I lived in Chicago.

195 Miles Down 120 Miles To Go

Consulting is Coconuts

I have a problem.  I am competitive.  Not outwardly, but I want other people to see me and go “wow … she’s so smart.”  Before I decided I wanted to go back to school I was constantly back and forth because I graduated with a business degree, and started my career in consulting at the #1 place to launch your career.  So why would I spend 100,000+ give up two years of my life and get another degree?  I finally skiied into a tree and was thrown into one of the messiest industries in the United States: health care.  After spending those two weeks in the hospital and dealing with two and a half years of physical therapy and five surgeries, I found a place where my hard work would literally be improving peoples lives.  So here I am in school to learn health care, and this week I found myself at a consulting club meeting.  There’s something about the fact that so many people want to do it, and I already have that makes me want to say “Hey!! I did that!!!” or “Hey!! That company will hire me!!”  I have no idea why … I don’t want to do that job!  I get swept up in everyone else getting excited about it and think that what they want could be what I want, even though I know it’s not.  It’s funny that when a company with a big name in the consulting industry comes on campus, suits come out and business cards, and everyone hovers around them in the hallways “networking.”  Don’t be a sheep if you’re not a sheep!!

It’s sort of like when your friend opens an almond joy and starts eating it.  I’m not hungry … but I want it.  Then I take a bite and realize I don’t like coconut.  I’m glad I at least can recognize now that Consulting is coconuts.  So I’m joining some health care clubs, and I’m making a plan to find some people in the industry to job shadow and informational interview.  (I’d like to stop saying things like networking and informational interview as soon as possible … But I think until I have an internship set up, I have to keep talking like the punch line of a show like “The Office.”)

191 Miles Down 124 Miles To Go

My Two Paths

It happened.  I feel old.  The undergraduates are everywhere.  I had to google how many Boston undergraduates there are because it feels like 100,000.  I guess it's only about 16,000 ... I met one today.  The conversation went a little like this:

I see a sign that says "Welcome Boston University Class of 2017"  I laugh.
Random Undergraduate Boy: "Are you in the class of 2017 too?"
Me: "No ... I'm in the class of 2015"
Random Undergraduate Boy: "Oh! You're a junior!"
Me: "No ... I'm 27."

He looks confused, I walk away with probably the same look on my face.  Other than running today, literally the only other thing I did was study.  I knew this was going to be a lot of work, but holy crap it's a lot of work.

I am proud of one thing that I've changed.  My running path.  I didn't really have a choice, but I haven't run the same path since I've been here.  I use to think that running the same path would help me stay consistent, but it turns out its way more fun to be adventurous.  I did the same loop in Chicago over and over and over, and now I'm just running all over the city.  I feel like my whole life was rapid consistency in Chicago: boyfriend, job, work out, cook, sleep, repeat.  Now every single one of those things is on a completely new path.  New life path and new running paths = happy girl.

187 Miles Down 128 Miles To Go

My Khaki's Drive My Car

I'm not sure if it's good or if I should worry ... but we started our curriculum in a two week one credit class: Ethics.  My professor actually said, "My students don't go to jail."  She was mostly joking, but also looked a little serious.  Aside from school, I am starting to love Boston.  While I was deciding to move to Boston, and I was going to get an MBA I was talking it through with someone.  I finally realized that I have to do this, because it will be a city and an experience that is mine.  Everyone in my family lives in Chicago, everyone seems to follow the same path I'm on, except this.  I still stick out a little bit ... But Boston is a strange and wonderful city.  Some lessons I've learned so far ...

1. You can, and are expected to cross the street at any time there is no car.  I pushed the pedestrian crosswalk button a few times, and people looked at me with these "Why would you mess up the natural flow of traffic by doing such a rude thing??"
2. The "T" (Public Transit) is just another hurdle in crossing the street.  They also apparently don't have to abide by traffic lights.  Actually ... Here red lights are more optional than I believe they should be ...
3. "Khaki's" actually can drive cars.
4. I guess leggings are pants?
5. Butt cleavage is totally acceptable in public.  I'm not sure these last two are a Boston thing ... as much of an I-accidentally-got-an-apartment-close-to-undergrads thing.
6. When you fight with people, its not necessarily fighting ... It's just another part of casual everyday conversation.  Banter expected.
7. Baseball attire, Red Sox specifically, is not reserved for baseball games.
8. Wicked is an adjective that can stand in place of almost any adjective.  It use to be a musical.

183 Miles Down 132 Miles to Go

Less Could be More

Ugh ... Group work ... There is nothing I dread more than a group of seven strong willed people trying to agree on something and maintain friendships.  After a two hour meeting, I needed to run badly.  I ran four miles and felt like I could have kept going forever.

I'm so incredibly happy I started running when I did.  It is always the same, and it always makes me feel better.  Every time, I put on my shoes, and running gear, prep my phone, and put one foot in front of the other, repeatedly.  No matter if I run one miles or six miles, I still experience the "running high."  Apparantly, this is part of what addicts people to running.  That incredible feeling of "I can do anything" you get immediately when you stop running.

I kept thinking today about our group meeting.  Seven people.  Four extremely engaged loud personalities.  Not a lot of room for compromise.  Two shy guys.  One seemingly indifferent, but always adding valid points.  I felt like we talked at each other for an hour and a half about an assignment that is ungraded.  There must be a better way to handle this.  I'm not sure why, but in undergraduate I always received amazing feedback from group members.  I feel like that is not so much the case here.  Before I set out on my run I sent an overly dramatic text a good friend:

Me: True of False, Group projects were designed to ruin your life.

Him: No one is dumber than the person that thinks they are smart.
Me: Thanks Buddha

Is it me?  It very well could be.  I think I'm smart and I have good ideas... Maybe I'm too aggressive.  I'm going to use this as a social experiment.  When we meet again Monday ... I am going to say as little as I can.  I'm going to switch to observing the situation and see how it works.  It's not how I'm use to acting in groups ... but maybe this group needs less of my thoughts all the time, and good thoughts when I really think they need to be brought up.

180 Miles Down 135 Miles To Go

Living and Shit

I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed from my first week of school, that I picked my extreme for of exercise for this morning, hot yoga.  I love the feeling of really progressing in a pose that I have been struggling with for years.  I just needed to be in a room where I didn't need to talk to anyone, and I could focus on improving my own practice.  I also ... had no real plans for the day when I headed into class.

Today I kept thinking about the last few times I've done yoga.  When I realized my most recent ex was moving to Ohio.  I couldn't hear his name without feeling punched in the face.  I feel so indifferent about him now.  It's almost like the four years didn't happen.  I remember doing hot yoga in Ft. Lauderdale with my ex from college who I really thought I was going to marry.  I was escaping the pressure I felt from him with him on the mat next to me.  Who does that ...

It all seems so incredibly long ago.  Before I left Chicago, I had a conversation with the Florida ex.  I told him that I had an amazing weekend catching up with him, but there were some things I'd realized about me since we broke up.  I don't want to fight with anyone anymore.  And I don't want to be told no.  I know that to enjoy the weekend, I needed to do the things he wanted which is ok with me.  However ... I really don't think I'd be happy dating someone like that anymore.  I want to do things we both want to do.  I need someone who is open to my crazy ideas like snorkling or paddle boarding.  Just because I'd like to try new things.  When Ft. Lauderdale ex and I broke up, my good friend said.  "You can get back together with him if you want, but he's not making you as happy as you could be.  All the crazy adventurous things about you he doesn't support, and they are atrophying.  So you can be with him and I'm sure it would be fine, but I think you can be happier with someone else."

It's funny how the world seems to end after a break up, and now I can't connect to those old worlds at all.

When I left yoga, I had texts from three new friends asking me to get together.

179 Miles Down 136 Miles To Go
6 Bikram Yogas

Mental Exhaustion

I live in Boston.  This tiny little sentence still hasn't sunk in for me.  I still feel a little bit like a nomad, as I'm currently living on someone's couch out of a suitcase, as I have been for the past month.  I can't wait to not be homeless... On the plus side, the running paths are incredibly more scenic than the one path I ran along in Chicago.  And today ... I really needed it ...

Networking ... I'd like to stop using that word immediately.  I like making genuine connections to people I would recommend and am friends with.  Somehow I feel like its driven by quantity and political gain and less by real friendship and connection.  I hope I am wrong about this, and things here prove my initial snap judgement wrong.

I am so excited to get to know my class better ... we have 40% of students who are international students.  So many new countries to visit!!!  So far, I've made friends from Panama, Egypt, Isreal, China ... Just to name a handful.  I feel like I'm finally addressing my need to embrace risk.  I got some new neon running clothes (risky for someone who believes in a world of black workout clothes).  Every run I've gone on since I got here has been different.  I want to run all over this city.  I've even thought about using this as a way to meet more people in my program (in a way outside of drinking and studying).  I talked to a few girls, and we want to start a running club ... Seems a little aggressive with graduate school on the horizon, but I at least want to run some races before the snow rolls in!

When I finished this run ... I realized that I don't remember the last time a run made me exhausted, tired, or frustrated that I couldn't push myself farther.  Now that I'm mentally exhausted ... I can run forever.  Who knew?

179 Miles Down 136 Miles To Go

Coke Pill Box

Today I am simply overwhelmed.  I have met new people over and over and over again.  So much that I am re-meeting the same people and it takes both of us a minute to realize it.  I'm in my first week of graduate school.  I live in Boston, and I'm a student again.  What am I getting myself into ...

We've spent most of our time so far on 'introductory' activities.  One idea that keeps resurfacing that I have fallen in love with is that "everything you learn overlaps."  For example we discussed the issue that it is so incredibly difficult to distribute health care and contraceptives in developing countries, but they all always have Coke.  Why does health care and distributing proper health supplies need to be in a separate industry as Coke?  Coke has already figured out how to get this product to this location, and health care should be capitalizing on that knowledge.  I remember discussing this with my uncle before I applied to graduate school.  He introduced the case to me, and said that someone developed a pill box that fit between bottles of coke.  So when the coke was distributed, it brought along health care.  I want to be discovering that.

I thought 100% that I wanted to work in a hospital when I graduated, and now I'm not quite so sure.  I don't want to get caught up in the hussle and bussle of what is popular or most sought after.  In my undergrad I was convinced that I was ment to be an auditor.  They made the most money, were the toughest jobs to get and majors to master.  I got confused between something that I was good at and something I wanted to spend my time doing.  Something I was passionate about to make a difference in.  As it turns out, I spent a summer doing audit work, and half way through I called my adviser and dropped every class I was in.  There were ten grown adults sitting in a room sending instant messages to each other instead of talking.  The people I was working with were so averse to actual communication that they would rather type and stare at a screen instead of make eye contact.  I was not ment to be an auditor ... I also learned, that just because my accounting grades were good ... Doesn't mean I should be in accounting.  So now I am here trying to sort out something that I enjoy so much that I will create a pill box that fits in between coke bottles.

175 Miles Down 140 Miles To Go

You Do You

I recently got back from visiting a very close college friend in San Antonio.  Whenever I visit her, I feel like I get all the uncertainty in my life sorted out and I have a ton of homework to make myself happier.  She is one of those people who is not content unless she is learning something new, and every time I am with her I am fascinated by all the new things she was able to soak in.  I remember in college when we were roommates I would go on and on about how much I really wanted to visit Italy.  I'm Italian, and I think I'll love it there.  One day she had enough and burst out, "Just go there! Just plan it and go!"  I was appalled.  And then I went.  I studied abroad in Florence Italy and learned to draw.

The first night immediately after I arrived we decided it would be a good idea to have a martini and catch up ... and then we had ten.  The newest thing she had learned is that ... you can live wherever you want to live.  She just decided one day she was unhappy with her environment, it was time to find a new one.  I'm not sure why I never thought of this.  If you don't like your city ... find one that has the things you like.  Cost of living, business opportunities, types of people living there, family friendly, out doorsey places, foodie towns, literally whatever you want to look for you can.  I have always pictured myself a midwestern city girl destined to be in Chicago.  But the truth is ... I hate (despite the fact that I just went out and had 10 martinis in one sitting) going out and getting "wasted".  I don't love how expensive everything is.  I hate with an undeniable passion city traffic.  I love Chicago so much, but could I find something that I love more?  Probably ... San Antonio has no traffic, everything is so cheap I felt like the richest person ever, tons of shopping, everyone is very community based, constantly full of outdoor activity.  My friend calls it "You do you."  You come here and be open and be yourself and everyone will accept you and have a good time.  Also ... The guys are different.  They open doors, they call you mam, they let you go in front of them, they get your coffee, they buy your drinks.  I love this.

It turns out, I don't have to change myself to adapt to the place that I live, I can change the place I live and be myself.  Now I have homework to research the city components that are most important to me, and perhaps I will search for an internship there.

172 Miles Down 143 Miles To Go

Spaghetti and the Black Hole of Grad School

Today I was thinking about how funny family changes over time.  My dad's family is 100% Italian.  All five brothers and one sister.  I have never experienced a more  boisterous energetic group of people as I have when the whole lot of us sit down for spaghetti dinner.  It's funny the group of us will go to extremes to have a homemade pot of spaghetti.  Somewhere along the lines, all their kids grew up (me and my cousins), and we stopped meeting several times a year.  Now for some reason, as we all get jobs and start getting in serious relationships, family becomes a priority again.  Sort of like how like when we are teenagers we rebel against our parents, then one day we become best friends again...

For my going away party I decided to try to break the habit everyone has established of dodging family party obligations.  I planned a Sunday dinner, made homemade spaghetti (three pots of the normal recipe ... ), and I invited everyone personally to come send me away to Boston.  We may all be busy, but if there is one thing we share a mutual love for ... It's relaxing, and eating spaghetti.  I wasn't really sure what I was expecting, but I was overwhelmed by how many people took time to come send me away!

I had personally emailed my aunt to make sure she knew her whole family was invited and when who I had seen earlier that week.  My cousin (her son) was preparing to go to Japan and teach English for a year.  He went in for a routine physical and the doctor discovered that he had thyroid cancer in his neck.  He immediately went through surgery and has a special diet lined up coupled with a chemo therapy treatment plan.  He turned his "Send off to Japan" party into an "I am beating cancer" celebration.  My dad, his girlfriend and I drove out and I was overwhelmed by how happy my cousins were to see me.  Why do we get so wrapped up in social obligations that we forget how important our families are?  As I was leaving, my aunt stopped me and said how happy she was that I came out.  She said that she wanted to apologize to me because she feels guilty looking back on my skiing accident recovery that she could have been there more for me.

I just started to realize how important my family is ... oddly enough just when I am moving across the country.  I'm going to make it a point to keep in touch as much as I can with my family once I am swallowed up in the black hole of graduate school.  It's so easy to take for granted the strongest support system you have!

168 Miles Down 147 Miles To Go

Growing Up

So lately I've been trying to see my family as much as I possibly can.  I've spent time with my dad, my brother, my sister, my aunts and uncles, cousins ... and just soak them up as much as possible before I leave for six months.  My mom has also been contacting me rather frequently.  She has always been a difficult person for me.  My parents divorced when I was in high school, and as soon as I was no longer legally obligated I stopped maintaining a relationship with her.  She's a person who has constantly been a struggle for me.  I remember her doing horribly manipulating things to me my entire childhood, and it was a relief to just stop talking to her once I made the decision to do so.

I remember asking her to make me breakfast when I was little and her saying "Poof!! You're breakfast!!" while she played backgammon or something of the sorts on the internet for hours on end.  I never was horribly neglected, but I would never treat my kids the way I grew up from her.  It felt like she was always using me and my life as a pawn to get things she wanted.  Like when she wanted me to live with her, she bought me new clothes, spoiled me with things she thought I wanted.  She got me dating someone who lived an hour away (close to her family) so that I would want to live by her.  I remember the exact moment I decided not to talk to her.  The boy I was dating got in trouble for selling marijuana on school property (I'm not sure what I was doing with him at the time...).  She immediately noticed that it would not look good for her to support me dating him anymore.  So she took it upon herself to call his mother and tell her that her son was requesting sexual favors from me.  WHAT?!?!?!  I realized then that she didn't care about me dating someone to make me happy, but she wanted to win a custody battle.  To be fair, I would have likely broke up with him when I realized what he was doing, I'm not an idiot, but it's a decision I should have made.  And she didn't need to call his mother and lie.

I have felt quite a bit more grown up lately, and I have been looking back on the ten years that I haven't spoken to her.  People always say things like "Oh I'm so sorry, that's so sad."  And I honestly am not bothered because I don't know what it would be like to be best friends with my mom.  I just feel like it is what it is, and I've moved on.  She has recently discovered that I'm moving and has been contacting me incessantly.  I'm not sure what compelled her after all these years, but I still have no desire to rehash something that has been closed for so long.  I just feel so much more independent now.  I haven't been under her thumb, and I love my life.

165 Miles Down 150 Miles To Go

Leaving

Today I feel like I just lost everything.  I gave up my car keys, my little sister will be driving my ladybug (my red Yaris) while I'm gone.  I also am officially no longer a resident of Chicago, and my apartment keys are gone.  I woke up early completely restless, and went for a run to clear my mind a little bit.  I hate running in the suburbs.  There's something about staring at tiny boxes all in a row with electric wires all over the place and views of grocery stores that just make it less relaxing.  I am almost always the only person out running, although I will occasionally find another woman in a matching sweatsuit walking vigorously.

The other day, as my sister and I were packing up all the final pieces from my one bedroom (which somehow filled a massive moving truck), I looked at my empty apartment and said, "I won't live in Chicago again after this." She laughed.  And then she said, "It is so hard to leave - until you leave.  And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world. That's a quote from John Green"

I'm not sure what I was expecting, flashing lights, dancers, sobbing friends, or what, but I thought it would be more "epic" of a moment than it was.  It really was the two of us saying "Did you get it all?" and closing the door.  And now I am here.  Ready to spend the next two weeks antagonizing my family until I move to Boston.

162 Miles Down 153 Miles To Go

He was Very Top Heavy

I am so happy right now I can't stand it.  I ran 32 miles this month, I ran 18 miles this week, and I am on target to meet my "marathon a month" goal.  This morning I ran my first race over a 5K, I ran a 10K.  I have never run six miles straight, even before the skiing accident.  I wore my medal and my race shirt all day.

At the beginning of the race (roughly 6:30 AM on a Saturday ... why do races do this to us?), my friend and I noticed a couple in front of us that was the most muscular in shape couple I'd ever seen.  She was telling me she should have trained more, and I mentioned, "I bet those two trained, they're going to kill us."  My friend and I did the first run at 12 minute mile, and then we separated.  For some reason, I became super competitive, and I just wanted open road in front of me.  I wanted to not see a herd of people, but I wanted to be first, and I ran 9 minute miles the remainder of the race.  At one point, very close to the end of the race, and for the first time I started forming thoughts other than "Pass that girl in the Ohio State Jersey...", and I noticed, I've ran 5.5 miles already.  My body became exhausted and I felt like I was going to just collapse.  I just kept saying over and over in my head, you did not run 5.5 miles to walk across the finish line.  It is roughly 5 minutes, I can do anything for 5 minutes.

Then I saw them!  The muscle couple, WALKING, exhausted on the side of the race path.  He was rubbing her back and looked like he may fall over at any moment (he was very top heavy ...) I lost all desire to walk, and I sprinted the rest of the way.  I beat them!

I never understood how amazing the feeling of training, working your ass off and being prepared can be. Time to extend this to other things in my life.  First stop graduate school.

159 Miles Down 156 Miles To Go

Chemistry and Compatibility

Not everyone wants what I want.  It's nuts.  It's a difficult concept to grasp that other people may be seeking happiness through other channels than I am!  I feel like this is a straight forward concept when your friend picks chocolate ice cream and you pick mint chocolate chip.  That's fine.  It's so confusing when they date someone you find obnoxious, or they take a job you think is stepping backwards.

My run today was consumed by a conversation with my ex who I visited in Florida.  The one I dated in college, and was flat out crazy about.  As soon as I left his car at the airport I had a message from him.

"I want you to enjoy every moment of grad school.  When you're done though, I would love to see if (maybe) we can be more than friends.  No bullshit."

After a bad bad breakup, I feel like girls always imagine this scenario.  He was horrible to me, one day realized he still had feelings for me, and I told him off!  I yelled at him, told him I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he should be so lucky to have another chance with me!  Except I didn't tell him off.  Maybe I grew up, or maybe I'm being stupid, but I've lost the desire to yell at him.  I'd rather think through this and realize on my own if he is or isn't right for me.  I'm not sure what will happen in school or with him, but I know that I don't want to fight anymore.  It was a week long argument that almost ended the trip for me to visit him over a terrible request on my part: I asked to go to the beach.  He's so stubborn when he's decided that something will be a certain way, that there is no way to talk about it without an argument.  I'm so much happier when I'm not fighting, or when I'm not forcing someone to do something they don't want to.  Now, it's not a matter of chemistry that I'm questioning, but a matter of compatibility.  We'd go out to dinner and he will only eat the five foods that enhance his running/lifting performance.  My dad taught me "Never cheat your stomach."  We would go out for ice cream, and he'd watch me eat it.  We'd get a glass of wine and he'd have two sips.  I feel like we are so different that either he's watching me do things I enjoy or I'm watching him do things he enjoys (shop ... ).  It may have taken me two years of dating, six years without him, and one weekend of reuniting to realize that I'm not sure he's someone I want to be with.

He got upset with his ex girlfriend because she let him work all the time.  She never "pressured" him to come home or go out to dinner.  I'm at a point in my life where I don't want to have to change someone.  If you don't want to be a workaholic, stop being a workaholic.  Don't rely on someone else to find out what will make you happy and wait for them to force you to do it.  I know you can't change people, and I know I don't want to fight with anyone again as much as I did with him.  So I think I'll just have to tell him, and let it be what it is.

153 Miles Down 162 Miles To Go

Call me maybe?

Four miles again ... Owned.  I'm so strong.  I was sore the entire run, but I did it.

I've been thinking more lately about the guy I was dating for a while.  Who has gone MIA.  After I spent the night at his place, I saw him again at a friends party.  He started doing things like taking hours to answer a text and finally dropped the bomb, "Sorry, I've been really busy."  Secret code for, "I didn't want to talk to you, so I ignored you and pretended to be busy."  It seems like I haven't been able to get on the same page with guys lately.  The ones hitting on me, I'm uninterested in.  The ones I've liked, dissipated for some reason or another.

A few weeks ago, I had a friend come visit.  She started sharing pretty personal drama, and we did the adult thing and ordered two martinis.  Five martinis later, we were talking what she called "word diarrhea."  We were over sharing, and nothing was off limits.  So much so that I woke up to a message from Carlie Rae Jepson (The one I was dating and spent the night at his house) that said "What does that mean drunky?"  Awesome!  On top of drunk texting ... i have developed a new habit. When I send a message I know I won't want to see in the morning , I DELETE IT.  Apparently I had five martinis and deemed it appropriate to tell him "Call me maybe."  This is exactly the impression I wanted to make on him.   If I wasn't sure of what I needed to do before, now I was.  When I first started talking to him he was going to extremes to see me, and being really aggressive.  And now, he's too busy to return a text.

So now, I think it's time to do one of the things I wished I could do when I was dating the marine.  When I realize it's not going to work and it isn't something I want: walk away.  I deleted his phone number, and I think it's time to just let this one go.

149 Miles Down 166 Miles To Go

Right Track

I found a new motivation to run.  In the past ... I have always run to be able to eat more cookies, or a second helping of pasta.  Now, It's to avoid homework.  I am not even in school yet, and I have homework that is due before the first day of class.  So today, I ran from homework.  I have roughly 40 hours of homework to do BEFORE classes start, and assignments to do and turn in before I have my first class.

It's been a personal goal to get my MBA for a long time, and I've always known it wouldn't be easy.  I am just enjoying having no responsibilities so much!  I spent two hours printing homework to study, reviewing emails, ordering textbooks, preparing documentation of vaccines, student loan amounts, financial need, etc.  After my printer had been running for three minutes straight ... I got overwhelmed and suited up in my Nike Gear and headed out for a long run to clear my head.  When I got back someone had sent me this article:

http://www.businessinsider.com/best-business-schools-in-the-world-2013-7?op=1

Boston University has been ranked top 10 MBA to receive in the world.  Before I knew it my eyes started tearing up.  What was going on?  My friends are crying over things like arguments with husbands, and babies, and promotions.  For such a long time, I wondered if going back to school was going to end up being worth it, and here was an article telling me point blank, "Yes, It's worth it."

Sometimes thinking about doing something that is completely outlandish is more difficult than actually doing it.  When I got home and started my finance homework, it wasn't nearly as overwhelming as I anticipated.  I know this is only the beginning though.

 

145 Miles Down 170 Miles To Go

Pizza Rolls to Famous Chicago Pizza

I am not really sure how I go through today's run, but somehow I managed not to melt into the sidewalk in a giant pool of water.  I realized I am running a 10K in less than a week ... and I am not use to running in the sun.  I'm going to die!!  What was I thinking signing up for a 10K in July in Chicago!!

I kept thinking today about something one of my best friends said to me over dinner the other night.  We've been friends for years, and she works nights and weekends while I work an opposite schedule.  We were out for pizza and wine downtown Chicago, and she looked up and said.  "Ten years ago we were eating pizza rolls on your bedroom floor.  Now we are both supporting ourselves eating pizza at a nice restaurant downtown Chicago."  As soon as I stop focusing on something big, I realize something big has happened to me.

When I got home from my run today, I looked around my Chicago apartment.  The entire thing is in boxes. Not only have I trained myself to be able to run longer and get stronger, but another big change is on the way...

141 Miles Down 174 Miles To Go

Take Your Brain With You

I did not imagine myself working out on my "beach" vacation, but I found myself in a much needed bikram class.  Turns out, I'm having a pretty good weekend.  I called him the night before I left and we talked for about an hour about the weekend.  His grandma was in the hospital and his mom was having surgery.  I think that's a reason to cut someone a little slack for being crabby.  He also caved and went to the beach, twice.  Both times the beach closed as we put our feet on the sand due to lightning.  It stormed all weekend.  I guess that's my karma for being so head strong on going to the beach.  So today instead of trying a beach, we decided to go to yoga.

Compromise is such a frustrating thing.  I hate it.  All weekend he'd been suggesting things he thought I wanted to do, but he didn't actually want to do.  So I was going along with it assuming these were all things he wanted to do, and I was wanting to pick the rest of the weekend.  Communication breakdown.  Now I remember why we fought so much when we were dating ... Once we figured out this was going on, it was a lot easier to get along.  I'm surprised and frankly, relieved, that he didn't once bring up dating.  I think I just prefer dating someone I have more in common with now.  I don't want to have to compromise ... I just want to be with someone easy going who is open to new things ... It took me three fights and a threat to stay at a hotel to get this guy to go to the beach ... I just don't want to have that type of relationship ever again.

He did bring up my most recent ex.  (Which is completely normal ... Every girl wants to talk to her ex about another ex ...) He dropped casually into conversation, "If he came back to you and said, 'I miss you.  I made a mistake and I want to be with you.' What would you say?"  While I've thought about this quite a bit, I never thought my only other serious boyfriend would be the one to finally force me to say it out loud.  I don't think I can ever go back to him.  When you're the right person for someone, I don't think they can just pick up and leave you.  I think if he was the right person for me, he wouldn't have been able to do that.  I honestly haven't thought of him in so long, that his question caught me completely off guard.
I was just happy that I was having a good weekend and finally after so many years getting along with my college ex boyfriend.  Although the temperature in Ft. Lauderdale was the same as the muggy 105 degrees bikram yoga room, I still had an awesome weekend.

139 Miles Down 176 Miles To Go
5 Bikram Yogas